The Kitchen Sink

Now that this blog is private, I thought I'd share some classic snapshots of Mara in the kitchen sink! She grew out of her infant bath thingy and isn't quite ready for bathing in the new bigger, deeper tub without some sort of plastic apparatus, so it was back to the kitchen sink. She expressed her obvious joy to be back in the sink again with much splashing and squealing and by grabbing everything in her reach, which is why the counter around the sink looks like we have just moved in to the house. Normally, there's a cactus, coffee maker, frog spoon rest and various scrubbers right by the sink.

Anyway, thank you for following me to this "members only" mode where I won't have to worry about whether it is legal for me to post pictures of Mara online-- and see, I can call her Mara again instead of "Baby Grrl"! Plus, I can fill you in all the latest news...it seems like I have so much to share that I am about to burst!

For starters, weekly visits with mom and the three older sisters have been suspended for the four and seven year old girls, because they are reconvening a forensic investigation team for one more round of interviews. There have not only been allegations of sexual abuse (SA) by the husband, but now the girls are saying that older sisters participated in SA and physical abuse, possibly even having to do with Mara's injuries. So a Detective, Forensic SA Investigator, the GAL and Denver County Case Worker will meet with the girls and their current (third) foster mother for one more round of interviewing..."their last shot" as the Case Worker put it.

Another development is that I was asked if we are still interested in adopting Mara if her parental rights are terminated. I said YES of course! And Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) was mentioned at least four times at the home visit last Wednesday, even though the Case Worker said the case is still "very up in the air" and almost hinges on what the two sisters say in their testimony. He still insists that Mara will be in foster care for "a long time" and "at least six more months".

And finally, all three of the teenage sisters are back home with mom, living in a small apartment. Luckily, there are two bathrooms. The girls seemed wild as always tonight, the mom looks happier, and the oldest girl who is sixteen updates me on things having to do with school E.g. what grades she ended up getting. The other two girls failed out of almost all of their classes and one of them is in Truancy School. She will most likely be in ninth grade again next year with her sister who ought to be in twelfth...it's very sad. The Case Worker referred to them as being "lost causes" and I just wanted to slap him (then I felt like crying, because I know he is somewhat right). I had suspected that they were trying to get the three older girls home with mom and then get the ball rolling on TPR'ing with the three younger girls, and now as it unfolds it's so horrifying. The reality is that very few foster or adoptive parents want teenage black girls who skip school to have sex.

Mara's mom, whose name is Linda by the way, told me tonight that it was her best visit with Mara ever. Probably because she is at a really cute age (one of my very favorite ages...I just adore curious and independent nine month olds!) and the four and seven year old girls were not around to compete for Mom's attention. Mara insists on being the center of the universe at all times, and of course she always is around our house! We ALL dote on her, even the dog does. It's really kind of disgusting. I realized when my youngest sister, her husband and six month old nephew were over on Sunday, that Mara is our princess and we may need to start treating her like a normal little girl at some point or we will have a real diva on our hands! It has been so easy to indulge her, what with all that she has been through and overcome.

Did I mention that Mara has TWO TEETH which emerged SIMULTANEOUSLY and that she is WALKING?!?! She was walking about a week before she was nine months old! She is AMAZING! We absolutely love to watch her grow and learn, especially as she uses baby signs. She signs for all done, bottle, bye-bye, hi, I can't hear you, and up (which looks a bit like almost falling over backwards and is accompanied by "bup! bup!")

Well, that's all the news that's fit to print. My heart feels like I'm on a high wire constantly. Our life is so enmeshed with this little baby girl's that I cannot imagine her being with anyone else but us-- I AM HER "BABA MAMA" FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!-- but we'll see what happens. Bio Mom goes back to court June 26-- and asked me to go and speak up for her-- but I am not sure if that is a Permanency Planning hearing or what. I would think that if it was, we would have received a letter about it again, but I don't know for sure so I will have to call the GAL and find out.

I have been asked to keep taking detailed notes about visits and conversations with mom and the sisters. My journal may be subpoenaed at some point, and that's another reason it's crucial for this blog to be a place of protected speech for me.

Stay tuned, dear readers! And more than ever, thank you for listening.

Cruising is hard work

Baby Grrl spends every waking moment challenging herself physically-- she pushes and pulls anything that isn't bolted down and picks up things that are heavier than her (which is almost everything). After one of her marathon explorations, she crawls to me as quickly as she can, babbling "mamamamamama", frantically signs for a bottle, then sucks down six ounces in about three minutes and passes out. She had been taking only two long naps a day but is now taking three naps again since she is so busy cruising and taking her first steps! Yes, she is WALKING!! You don't believe it? I have video proof. It's ridiculous.

LOVE

Baby Grrl has been cruising for about a month, and loves pushing her music table around the family room. She just now took at least a dozen steps in a row, chasing Daddy, and then fell and bonked her head. So if I don't blog for a while, that is why! She isn't even nine months old yet! She will be on the 30th.

Panicky Attacky!

I just learned that in Tennessee it is illegal to post pictures of foster children online. I cannot seem to find out if there is a similar law in Colorado. HELP!

In an effort to calm thyself down, I accept this meme from a friendly blogger.


1)What were you doing five years ago? Taking care of an eight month old (hey, that's exactly what I'm doing now, too, what a long strange trip it's been!) I was "still breastfeeding" and pumping all day, and working part-time outside the home from five to nine p.m. in a support staff position at a group home in Rainbow Village in Creve Coeur, MO helping make dinner, pass meds, and take ladies out for recreation. I was also looking forward to quitting my job as soon as we paid some debt down, and would be able to do so in a few months when my husband finally got a much-needed promotion.

2)What are five things on your to-do list for today (not in any particular order)? 1. Homeschooling (done) 2. Housecleaning (done) 3. Shower (done) 4. Purchase a new black stove with ceramic cooktop and range hood on sale at Lowe's (as soon as Smooshie wakes up) 5. Bathe Baby Grrl and put her hair into two pigtails as her Case Manager is coming to visit tomorrow and I want her to see how cute she looks in her new do!

3)What are five snacks you enjoy? 1. Popcorn, especially burnt 2. Wasa crispbread with neufchatel 3. Lettuce with sour cream, olives, and Mexican cheese blend (not quite taco salad but close) 4. Edy's fruit bars (especially lime) 5. String cheese

4)What five things you would you do if you were a billionaire? 1. Hire an investment broker 2. Hire a housekeeper 3. Hire a governess 4. Hire a personal trainer 5. Hire a gourmet chef who would concoct healthy vegetarian meals that even my hubby would eat

5)What are five of your bad habits? 1. I swear like a sailor-- having kids around has helped some but not early enough when I am angry or stub my toe as was evident when my firstborn started calling other drivers ass wipes 2. I think negative thoughts about myself and sometimes others, too, but mostly myself and most of the time 3. I am obsessive and compulsive about many things 4. I often tell people what I really think of them or their ideas or behavior 5. I fluff laundry over and over again, and sometimes ignore the buzzer because I don't feel like dropping what I'm doing.

6)What are five places where you have lived? 1. Kansas City, Missouri 2. Columbia, Missouri 3. Saint Charles, Missouri 4. Saint Louis, Missouri 5. Ogden, Utah (I hope to live in many other places including Maryland/Virginia, Arizona, and Hawaii plus Japan or Germany...I am pretty much up for anywhere that DH's career can take us!)

7)What are five jobs you've had? 1. Sonic Carhop 2. Thriftstore Coordinator 3. Telemarketer (a.k.a. Antichrist) 4. Barista 5. Residential Coordinator for adults with developmental disabilities living in residential apartments and group homes

Take another little piece of my heart

"A cake for my new mommy"

We had a seven year girl staying with us from Sunday to Wednesday, while she was in between foster homes. I won't go into her very sad story except to say that we were warned that she would display a lot of inappropriate behaviors and she did not exhibit any of them while she was here. She was fun to have around, got along great with our kids and doted on Baby Grrl. Somehow, I got attached to her in just four days. After she left I burst into tears and have been kind of down ever since. I really miss her and would have gladly taken care of her forever. There, I said it. I felt like we had a real connection and that I could have helped her so much if only she could have stayed with us longer. It didn't help that she called me Mommy from day one. From now on, I will be sure to have kiddoes who stay with us for respite care call me "Aunt Bess". I also forgot to take her picture-- and she was an exceptionally beautiful child with gorgeous, long blonde hair and dazzling blue eyes-- but I do have these two lovely pieces of artwork that she made for me while she was here.

This is one for me to put in Baby Grrl's room, "to remember me by," she said.

I will always remember listening to Dan Zanes and coloring that poster with her at our kitchen table as we waited for strangers to come and take her to a new foster home. She insisted she was being adopted even though I tried to tell her she was going to a new foster home. She was so brave. As you can see from the poster, there is a lot of color in her world and I hope it stays that way.

Care to comment?

I changed my settings so that anyone can post comments on my blog now. Originally, only those with Google accounts could do so. We'll see if this turns it into a free-for-all. One negative comment and I will put this blog right back where it was behind the plexiglass! hehehe...

Now, if I can just get Baby Grrl to do some housekeeping so I can blog more often.