Of course I meant to blog on the day we adopted our daughter. Yet somehow, after two years, eight months and five days of fighting, hoping, and praying that she would be able to officially become a part of our family, once she did it just felt like the most natural thing in the world.
It was as if the last piece of a very difficult and frustrating puzzle was placed. It's always easy, effortless really, to stick in the last piece of a puzzle. It's those very first pieces that are challenging, when all you have is a picture of how the finished puzzle will look. Individual pieces can look so strange by themselves. Sometimes it can seem as if they don't even belong. But once you get going -- perhaps by first finding the four corners and then doing all of the edge pieces -- you can watch as the picture begins to fill in.
June 16, 2010 was a great day. I woke up to my daughter giving me hugs and kisses and talking about our wedding. When we first told her about adopting her, she asked me if she was getting married to Daddy. I started to correct her, but decided it was cute that she thought she was getting married. We told her she was getting married to Daddy and Mommy, and her brothers, whom she refers to as her "guys".
Tomorrow knew that Wednesday was going to be a very special day as we had been talking about it the week leading up to it. The day before, she became very excited with all of the talk of "tomorrow". We would say, "WOW! We are getting married TOMORROW!" Or "I can't believe we are FINALLY going to be adopting you tomorrow!" and she would smile this incredibly sweet smile and bat her eyelashes and say something like "I know" or "I marry Nick? I marry Maggie, too?" (She persistently asked to marry my friend Nick and the cat, and to bring the cat to the wedding.)
Since the hearing wasn't until three, my sister and her husband and my nephew came to our house for lunch first. My sweet sister brought a plant for me, a gift for Tomorrow, a card, a CD she had made, toe "wedding" rings for all of us and bubbles to blow after the hearing. She is so very thoughtful and I was very grateful that she and her family was able to be present with us that day. They have been closer to Tomorrow than any other family members, and it meant a lot to all of us to have them there. Also, my sister read a poem which I will paste below later.
So after the busy-ness of getting three kids and two adults ready, plus lunch and a skipped nap for Tomorrow, we headed to the city. It was really warm in Denver. We arrived early at the courthouse in the City and County Building. It was nerve-wracking waiting for it to be our turn. I was glad that we were able to have the hearing in the same courtroom with the same judge who ordered the termination of her parental rights, making it possible for us to adopt her. I told the judge afterward that I really felt like it brought a complete closure for us to adopt her in the same physical space where I had shed so many tears (upon hearing so many sad stories of Tomorrow and her sister's and biological parent's lives). In the courtroom where one family was sadly dissolved, another family was joyfully created. That was more than just a formality.
I believe we can request a formal record of Tomorrow's adoption, including the full court transcript, but for now I have photos and videos taken by my friend Nick. It was a short and light-hearted hearing. The judge asked everyone present to introduce ourselves. Then he had all of us stand and take an oath to tell the whole truth. After that the professionals spoke on the record, saying that they thought it was a good placement and that Tomorrow should be adopted by us. The judge asked Mike and I if we were prepared to take on the full responsibility of raising Tomorrow, including teaching her to drive, helping her find a church, and paying for her college. We both agreed to accept that responsibility.
At this point the judge included Tomorrow's brothers in the hearing by asking them if they wanted to adopt her. Thankfully, they both said they did. He said becoming a brother was a big responsibility and that their responsibility was to drive their sister crazy. Then he said that it was her responsibility to drive them crazy. (I could've done without this portion of the hearing!)
Next, the judge asked the boys if there was anything they didn't like to eat. Moose immediately answered "pickles". The judge clarified that he had said pickles, and Moose nodded and added "And mustard." The judge asked Hammy what he didn't like to eat, and he also said pickles. So the judge ordered that for one week the boys did not have to eat pickles or mustard. They got a kick out of that, and they have both made sure that we kept to it.
Finally, the judge asked if there was anything else we wanted to say, and my sister read a poem to our family. I've shared part of it here before, but here it is in its entirety:
On Children by Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
But seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
As living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
And He bends you with His might
That His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
So He loves also the bow that is stable.
That was a really appropriate poem for that day, and I am so happy that it's part of the court record of Tomorrow's adoption! I cannot express how much it meant to me that my sister was not only there, but willing to stand up and read a poem to our family on our "wedding day".
That was pretty much the whole of the ceremony. We had said we were going to write vows to exchange with Tomorrow, but we didn't. We had hoped that many more family members and friends would have been able to attend, but they weren't. Present that day were: Mike and I, Hammy, Moose, Tomorrow, Uncle B, Aunt J, Cousin W, Pediatrician Dr. Kiki, Clinical Case Manager Michelle, Adoption Worker Donna, and Nick. It was short and sweet, and when it was over we went outside and had hugs and took photos and blew bubbles in the parking lot.
In short, the day was nothing like I had thought it would be, and so much better.
It ended with me singing Little Star by Madonna:
Never forget who you are
Little star
Never forget how to dream
Butterfly
God gave a present to me
Made of flesh and bones
My life, My soul
You make my spirit whole
Never forget who you are
Little star
Shining brighter than all the stars in the sky
Never forget how to dream
Butterfly
Never forget where you came from
From love
You are a treasure to me
You are my star
You breathe
New life
Into my broken heart
Never forget who you are
Little star
Never forget how to dream
Butterfly
May the angels protect you
And sadness forget you
Little star
There's no reason to weep
Lay your head down to sleep
Little star
May goodness surround you
My love
I have found you
Little star
Shining bright
And also My Darling Child by Sinead O' Connor:
My darling child
My darling baby
My darling child
You came and saved me
My darling baby
My darling child
You came and saved me
My darling child
My darling baby
My darling child
God gave you to me
My darling baby
My darling child
God gave you to me
Me little ninja
Me little dancer
Me little streetfighter
Me little chancer
Me lovely grrl
Me lovely babby
My pride and joy
Me little puppy
Me little wolf
Me little lamby
My favourite girl
My angel babby
Me love me grrl
Me love me babby
My pride and joy
Me little puppy
My darling child
My darling baby
My darling child
You gave life to me
And then I tucked in our precious little girl, in her beautiful princess bed, for the first night of the rest of our lives together. It was just like any other night really, which is why it was perfect.
