Another Update. NO REALLY.

Update: Our case is "moving right along" and "right where it should be" according to the Adoption Worker (and I know those phrases are kinda contradictory, but I just smiled).

Our case is now officially in Legal Review (yet another process, bear with us): This means that a team of crack lawyers (lawyers who can't actually practice law anymore because they did too much crack in law school) are reviewing our case, to make sure the t's are crossed and the i's are dotted. No but seriously folks, this is a very good thing. It is THE final hurdle (she types for the third time about a third process) and perhaps the most important one in the overall goal of Foster-Adoption. Legal Review will ensure that no one can come back later and say that the case was mishandled or rushed, so Princess Tomorrow will grow up safe and sound in the protection of our loving family, forever and ever, amen.

Meanwhile, it turns out *I* have dropped the proverbial ball. Yes, that's right me, Pushy Momma, who is all-ways on everyone's backs making sure they are all up on their jobs. My husband (who I live with and see every single day) apparently emailed me some time ago asking me for three references who are not relatives, who have known me for a year, and would be willing to be called as a character reference for our adoption (and the sad truth is that they will most likely never call you). I have yet to gather that information but I am on it now like white on rice! (ANY VOLUNTEERS? If not, I will draft three of you...probably Heather F, Jessica P, and Kristie M. Consider yourselves warned.)

Love to all.

First Trip to the Dentist!

Tomorrow went to the dentist for the first time last week. Our licensing agency had told us she did not have to go to the dentist formally until she was three, but then we got a letter from the County saying she had to have an appointment scheduled by February 20. I found out that was because her sister Monee's teeth are rotting out of her head. Several have had to be pulled.

Our family dentist had looked at Tomorrow's gums and then teeth for me a couple of times, but he does not accept Medicaid-- so until she is adopted and on our insurance, she will have to go elsewhere for dental care. It was a real challenge to find a dentist that would see patients under the age of five *and* that took Medicaid, but I finally found Comfort Kids through Comfort Dental. They have the right equipment for children, kid-friendly offices, and offer evening and weekend appointments. Who knows, we may even end up going there with our whole family.

So Mike took Tomorrow to the dentist bright and early on a Saturday morning at 8:30 a.m. and he said she was a perfect angel. She did not want to get into the dentist's chair (Mike thinks she was afraid of the lights and other equipment) but they just said that a lot of kids are that way, and had a way to get around it: she sat on Daddy's lap and then laid back into the lap of the dentist for the exam. We were very pleased that she did not have any cavities, and the dentist wrote on the evaluation form for the County: "Parents have a good understanding of oral hygiene." That's always nice, after the wrangling of kids at teeth-brushing time! We are religious about brushing teeth in our home, and kids who do not want to brush their teeth get held by one parent while the other parent brushes their teeth for them (after we have exhausted positive techniques and downright bribes of course). It turns out that good dental hygiene and oral health have a lot to do with your general health, so we take it very seriously around here!

AGAIN WITH THE TAX FRAUD!

So once again this year someone else claimed Tomorrow (and her other two sisters who are in foster care) as a dependent! According to her birth mom, it was her "godmother" who offered to split the money with her. But seriously, how would the godmother come up with that idea or get the social security number to do it without birth mom's involvement. I WAS NOT BORN YESTERDAY. THIS IS NOT MY FIRST RODEO.

The first year that birth mom claimed Tomorrow (and her other sisters who were in foster care), I thought it was an innocent/ignorant mistake. There was a bit of a gray area. Tomorrow was born August 30 and placed into foster care on October 10. According to the I.R.S., because she was in our custody for a longer period of time that year, we were eligible to claim her...but we let it go.

THe next year, mom claimed them AGAIN! That time we were miffed. SHe knew better. The girls were in foster care THE ENTIRE CALENDAR YEAR. There was no grey area, no excuse. So we got proof of her placement with us from the County, filed the amendment, and figured birth mom was penalized in some way that would prevent her from trying to claim them again.

But apparently, the penalty is not severe enough. She thought of another way to get around the law. Did she think we wouldn't try to claim Tomorrow? She is in our custody! We provide her room, board, food, clothes (and training pants, princess dresses, coats, boots, shoes, ballet slippers, sippy cups, coloring books and crayons, puzzles, games, dolls, books...)

When Mike told me our claim was rejected because someone had already claimed Tomorrow, I was SO ANGRY. Then OUTRAGED. Now, I am just DISGUSTED. Once again, we had to get proof that she was in our custody THE ENTIRE YEAR and file an amended return. We now have to file by mail rather than online so it will take months rather than weeks to get our refund. Mike always files as soon as humanly possible, so we are usually spending our return by now. In fact, when he submitted our return, it was in the queue two days before the I.R.S. was accepting returns. So I think the person who claimed Tomorrow as a dependent knew damn good and well that they had to beat us to it, and/or used a professional tax filing service.

I just can't believe how despicable some people are. I know I probably should not be surprised compared to all of the other more horrendous things this woman has done or condoned, but the the fact she continues to disrespect the fact that WE ARE TOMORROW'S FAMILY NOW, has completely ruined any chance of me staying in touch with her. I have severed our email and text relationship-- and thankfully, I never gave her our address (home nor P.O. box) because I want nothing to do with her. She's a criminal and a liar, and she cannot be trusted.

A call for comments!

With the book I'm writing in mind, I do want to ask you, my readers: Do you think that my blog puts foster care and/or foster-adoption in a negative light? Has our experience changed your perception of foster care or foster-adoption? And if so, how? Please be honest. This blog has been an outlet for a lot of my venting and was never intended to promote foster-adoption; but before I put out a book, I want to make sure that my intentions are good and my message is clear.

Thank you in advance for any comments. Please make them here if they aren't too personal as it helps me to have all of my material in one place. In fact, toward that end I will be adding some diary/journal entries from some journals I kept apart from this blog. I'm hoping to be able to format them so that they fit right into the timeline where I really wrote them. I'm pretty sure you can do that with blogger (adjust the dates on blogs).

First Blog of the New Year?!

Apparently I have not blogged here since DECEMBER 15. The holidays really threw me off my game, and then January just BLEW by! So I will catch this thing up a bit and go from there.

After my last entry, there was the HOLIDAZE. We celebrated the Solstice again this year. That is when Santa visited our home this year since we were going to be away for Christmas. The kids were really flexible with me emailing Santa and asking if we can move his visit up. Go figure.

Santa brought Princess Tomorrow her first pair of ballet slippers! **insert pic of ballet slippers here** (and I just realized I have not yet uploaded those photos to the laptop) This year there was less quantity of gifts and more quality, which appeared to suit the kids just fine. Tomorrow's brothers both got the instruments they had asked for, a guitar and a lap harp. So Hammy handed his guitar down to Moose, and Moose handed his glockenspiel down to Tomorrow. It was a very moving and precious moment that made me feel really proud to be their mother.

We tried to beat a blizzard out of town the week of Christmas but it caught up to us in Kansas. The weather was just horrible, and I really regretted that I didn't listen to my husband when he said we should just call the trip off or go after the storm passed. We were very fortunate that we did not go off the highway as many others did. We drove very slowly at times, and the kids were absolute angels. We drove much longer than we wanted to because we thought if we stopped for the night there was a chance we would get stuck wherever we stopped. So we drove as long as we could and finally stopped at 3 a.m. to spend the night in Hays, Kansas. Our van was covered in ice on one side! We finally arrived in Kansas City the next day, and so did the weather.

We got snowed in at my aunt and uncle's house on Christmas Eve! It would have been fun had we not stayed up so late and if the kids hadn't been so eager to get back to Grandpa's house where we were staying. They had been so looking forward to waking up at Grandpa's house on Christmas morning, and when we told them we couldn't make it because our windshield wipers stopped working, they cried so much that *I* started crying! It was a hard day's night.

Our Missouri trip was a comedy of errors, but taught us some important lessons. The biggest one is NOT TO TRY TO BEAT BLIZZARDS BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS WIN! I learned not to push my will with regard to travel. When God and/or Mother Nature tried to keep us at home and we decided to hit the road anyway, we were just asking for trouble. I had a nagging feeling about taking the van, but the SUV-- designed for Winter weather-- was having defrost problems so wasn't safe for visibility. Used cars are fine for local errands and outings but not for road trips.

Also, we will be staying home for the holidays from now on. Or, in Mike's words: "We will not be going to Missouri for Christmas until we can afford to fly, stay in a hotel and rent a car." And I gave that declaration a great big AMEN. Also, Christmastime in Kansas City is all go here, go there, and never stay anywhere long enough to relax. We would much rather enjoy a rejuvenating four-day weekend at home instead of a week plus of sleep-deprived travel with three kids-- and visit family in Missouri at a time that is less stressful (and warmer).

Mike gets ten days off a year now-- plus all of the federal holidays which make for some three day weekends here and there-- but we keep on using his annual vacation leave to go to Missouri (actually, we went to MO twice last year) and that is just not happening again this year.

Meanwhile, the family traditions that we've started at home are far too meaningful to forego: baking cookies and taking them to our favorite neighbors, going to church, seeing the City County Building lights turned on, waking up at home on Christmas Day. Moose said we got "ripped off" and Hammy must have said three times, "It was nice to go to Christmas but I wish we would have stayed home."

Of course, we always want to see our family in Missouri, but the holidays tend to be such a stressful time for everyone and dicey when it comes to getting out of Colorado on time. So it's a good time to visit, because everyone will be getting together-- but it's kind of a bad time to visit, because everyone will be getting together! Funny how that works. With the rushing here and there, one is never able to be in the moment and just BE with family. There's a timetable to each day, including a two-year-old's nap, and that's just not how a vacation is supposed to be.

The highlight of our trip was absolutely holding the bundle of joy that was my new niece Norah. Being able to see her just a week and a half old was such a blessing that we will always cherish. I don't have permission to post any pix of her here so I won't, but rest assured she is ADORABLE. My youngest sister had a homebirth at my mom's place and we missed the family while they were recuperating there, but we stayed close to where they live so we could visit without causing the tired new mom of two to have to drive to see us with a newborn and a toddler.

We had a very nice stay for a couple of nights at The Keeter Center on the campus of the College of the Ozarks. The boys thoroughly enjoyed the turn-down service with cookies and milk, and we all benefitted from getting caught up on our sleep and just hanging out and relaxing a bit.

We were so glad to get back home in January that we didn't go anywhere for about a week! We returned to find our new male kitten being lovingly mothered by our female cat. They groom each other and sleep together now. Our kid sitter who watched the cats, house and mail for us said that every day when she came over, the cats had gotten into something else...the cereal dispenser on the counter, the Wii remotes, magazines, and other things I can't recall now that they never mess with when we are here. She said it was as if little kids were home alone.

We took care of a three-month-old baby boy for two weeks in January, and all of us now agree that while we love babies and they are very cute and nice to hold, we do not really want to have another one! The kids were really sweet with the baby-- even Mara was loving and not jealous at all-- but the sheer reality of parenting four children was just completely overwhelming. We managed it one day at a time, and it only worked because Mike is a big help around the house. But now I definitely understand why my friends who have four children have had such messy homes at times (you know who you are and I love you): because they like to sleep and shower!

Speaking of sleep...this is dragging on far too long and my bed is calling me. There is so much more that I want to blog about, but I've begun writing my book and that tends to get most of my "free time". (As does Facebook-- yes, I admit it. I can access it from my phone and I have SMS Subscriptions to the posts of my closest friends, so I can socialize on my terms and at any hour while the kids are eating, playing, riding bikes or sleeping. You have your addictions, too.)