SIX months, really?

Wow, I never thought I would go this long without blogging here, but so much has happened and my heart and mind have been busy elsewhere.

First and foremost, we've been enjoying just being a family and not fostering MJ anymore. It's indescribable the relief I feel at knowing that she will always be a part of our family, and that we will get to guide and protect her as she grows into the amazing person she is going to be.

Secondly, we took in another baby, Sasha, on October 24, 2010, when she was only two days old. She was born to Shantell C. Alire on October 22, weighing 5 pounds. Because we are no longer licensed as a foster family, I am posting the information I have about her birth mother (from her tiny hospital bracelet which is still in the top drawer of my bedside table) in hopes of someday being able to know how she is doing and see how much she has grown and hopefully thrived. I could write an entire book about how much I bonded with that baby girl in the six weeks she was with us, but for now, suffice to say that my heart was utterly broken by that experience and I decided I could never put my family or my self through the loss of a baby again. It drove such a wedge between my husband and I that we separated and are still working on repairing our marriage. We're still not truly together as husband and wife but we're both going to 12-step support groups and are trying to figure out how exactly we've gotten to the point that we're at in our marriage.

Finally, as most of you who read this blog know, my grandfather was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last Fall and gave up his fight on January 9. I think we are all still coming to terms with the enormous loss of the patriarch of the family, and I know it's going to take some time to adjust to not having him here with us in body. He will all-ways be with us in our hearts and we have so many wonderful memories with him and photographs by him for which we are so very grateful.

So that's why I haven't written for six months.

How are you?