A few worries...

#1. Mara's biological father showed up at court and checked in with the court Reporter, then was nowhere to be found when the proceedings began. He never returned to the hearing, and his lawyer said he was "unable to speak for him since he is not here". I am concerned that he was there to see Mara, and may have heard that I had brought her with me last time (she was still young and slept through most of the hearing). If Linda told him I might bring Mara, was he there to see her or perhaps even abduct her? I bet this sounds paranoid, but it happens all.the.time. in these kinds of cases. I am irked that the mediator revealed our last name at the last TDM ("Team Decision Making" meeting). With that information, one can easily find our address. This makes me feel very vulnerable since this case involves violence between the biological father and the boyfriend/common-law husband. I wish we could afford to move; we hope that by the time this is all settled we will be able to relocate...and most likely, to another state.

#2. At the Permanency hearing, the boyfriend/common-law husband, Stephen, brought up that he has a sister who is a foster mother, and might be willing to take the kids that are "his". I believe that the County is required to now investigate this as a placement option but I pray that it will not affect Mara since she is not "his".

#3. I continue to be bothered that no one feels we are capable of handling Monet (Mara's FULL SISTER who is four) due ot her behaviors. Sure, it be weird to have a little girl sitting around masturbating in our home and calling me Bitch, but I would like to at least have the opportunity to have her over for a dinner and a movie playdate or even an overnight visit. Her foster mother insists that her life is hell is with the two girls in her home and that we would not want to have Monet in our home, but I don't think it's her place to decide. I have a psychology degree and more experience working with disruptive behaviors in the residential setting. I woldl ike to have a hcance to keep the sisters together and it doesn't sit well with me that they are being kept apart simply because Monet is "so damaged" and "the most angry four year old" her therapist has ever seen. Maybe our home contains the right combination of love and logic she needs to feel safe and to heal from her abuse? What happened to trying to keep siblings together? We invited both of the sisters who are in foster care to Mara's birthday party, and the foster mother said they might be able to come if they are good but I knew they wouldn't come because in her mind they are never good enough.

For all of the above reasons, I find it hard to sleep lately. I don't know how it could get worse, this waiting, but I imagine that at some point I will need a sleep aid!