Opinions are like...bellybuttons?!

Everybody has one, right? I've changed the key word in the usual saying since this is a family blog, but I'm sure you get my point. Everybody's got one...and some stink more than others!

I am sooo very weary of hearing people's opinions about whether or not we will be able to "keep" Tomorrow. Yes, I'll admit, in the beginning I loved to hear, "OH MY GOD there is no way that her mom is ever going to get that poor baby back!" But now that I've been up and down (and when I say down, I mean down hard) and around and around on the emotional roller coaster of other people's predictions, I want to get off and stay off, thankyouverymuch!

Here are just a few examples of the "expert" (and unsolicited) opinions I get to hear:

People I have met while waiting for various appointments (and at the coffee stand) at Children's Hospital have said everything from A: They have never seen a case this severe in such a young baby and she will not go back to her mom, to Z: They see this all the time and babies usually go back to their moms whenever they accuse dad of the abuse, IF mom leaves dad...

Another foster mom with Ariel told me we will definitely get to keep Tomorrow once the parental rights are terminated, and to hang in there because the visits are just part of the process...

The new foster mom for Tomorrow's sisters (yes, they have already been moved-- which makes me sad again for not taking them) told me she would be willing to take Tomorrow if I'm having problems keeping detached (!!) because she won't and they will all go back to their mom (and, by the way, she claims nearly expert status on the matter because she has been a foster mom for three, count 'em, one two three years). ..

And at Tomorrow's Ortho appointment last week, a Medical Assistant told me that if I was African-American they probably would have already terminated parental rights, but they prefer that African-American babies go to African-American families (why did they have to go and inject race into this campaign? I'm running on the platform that I'm the best woman for the job!)

Honestly, the only person who hasn't made a prediction about how it will turn out is the Case Aide who's been one for over twenty years and would probably have a better idea than anyone but the judge.

It's all in a day's work really, but this aspect of foster parenting definitely was not in our reading or training.

I have learned to give other people as little information as possible (she posts in her blog that can be viewed by millions, LOL) in order to avoid having to hear their speculation. But it does come up and I am still practicing using different ways to diffuse and redirect comments. Any suggestions or techniques others have used in similar situations will be much appreciated.

The truth is, we rarely obsess anymore about whether or not Tomorrow will be part of our forever family (okay, not much). We're now in the phase of pondering what it would be like for her to go from our home where she is attachment parented to another. I struggle with whether some of the things we do with her (E.g. babywearing, sign language) will make it easier or harder for her bio mom to parent her if she is reunified with her.

And speaking of reunification (which is referred to in foster lingo as "RU"), I really do hate to gossip but I have been bursting to spill these good/bad beans: In my most recent conversation with Tomorrow's Guardian, she said that her bio mom is a "long, long way from having alone time with her, let alone even talking about reunification." They are just now in the disposition phase of her trial and she hasn't even begun her treatment plan. Amie wants the bio mom to take parenting classes and get therapy, et cetera. It's good news because it means we'll most likely have little Tomorrow with us for more than a couple more months, but it could be bad news as it potentially means we could be that much more attached to her if she RU's with her birth mom ( and I have pretty much resigned myself to a 'when' and not an 'if'.)

Humanistic me sincerely wants Tomorrow's mom to get her act together and succeed in getting her children back, and in life in general, if only for the benefit of her six daughters who will be shaped by their mother's legacy; but I woud be lying if I said that there isn't a part of me that wouldn't mind if she messed up really badly and her parental rights to Tomorrow were terminated. I sometimes daydream that she realizes how much we have to offer her daughter, relinquishes her parental rights, and tells the judge that he would like for Mike and I to adopt her daughter. I also have nightmares that Tomorrow goes back to her, is abused again, and returns to us for good.

Meanwhile, Tomorrow's bio mom is apparently seeing the man she accused of causing Tomorrow's injuries (we call him Denver Daddy#2), who is not her Baby Daddy after all. Mike took Tomorrow to a Denver Human Services building for a CSI-style swabbing one day, in order to determine paternity...by one of three possible men. So in my mind, the bio mom is headed for disaster any which way you look at it. Either A) she's a sick woman, as she's seeing the man who broke 24 of her baby's bones, or B) she knows he's safe because she caused the injuries herself.

So, in my humble opinion (IMHO), the birth mom has a long road ahead and hasn't begun walking.

You show me your bellybutton and I'll show you mine.