A lot of folks have asked us a lot of questions we don't have the answers to, and some we do. I will try to share what we know here.
Q: How are the boys handling all of this?
A: Like pros! They seem to be enjoying some time off from "hyper-parenting"-- although L asked to homeschool math tonight. They're very loving toward Tomorrow and like to hold, help feed, and hug and kiss her. Moose especially likes to listen to her snoring in her sleep. Hammy cannot bear the sound of her crying, and he said it hurts his tummy. Crying hurts me, too, and it's why I am such a responsive parent. I know he will make such a great father someday.
Q: What happened to the baby?
A: We don't know. All we know is that her birth mother took her in to the ER with a "cold", the doctors noticed one of her legs was swollen, and x-rays showed twenty-four different fractures in various stages of healing (which means they happened at different times). The man who is presumed to be the father was arrested, is in jail and court is Monday. We may not know for a while what the judge decides for Tomorrow.
Q: What is the cast like?
A: It is from her chest to her ankles with an opening in the crotch for diaper changes. It is pink! It is roomy around her chest and stomach, so that she has room for a gassy tummy and to grow over the next three to four weeks. We were taught the signs of cast problems and if we notice anything unusual we will rush her to Children's Hospital (only a ten minute drive) for a new cast.
Q: How extensive were her injuries?
A: She has twenty-four fractures, mostly in her ribs, legs and right arm (which is in a splint). She has a tiny fracture in her skull but did not have a brain bleed. She also has some smaller fractures in her fingers and toes so we have to be careful when touching her hands and feet.
Q: Is she in a lot of pain?
A: It's hard to say, and she can't exactly tell us (although we're getting to be pros at interpreting her cries). We are giving her Infant's Tylenol during the day and Tylenol with Hydrocodone at night. I had to call the hospital several times last night (I kept getting transferred and hung up on) and I had to go up the food chain a few steps to get the RN on call to finally call the physician on call, to phone in to the 24-hour Walgreen's the prescription for the narcotic-- which really ticked me off since they prescribed it and had been giving it to her there. Anyone who knows me well knows I do not use medication with my own children unless absolutely necessary-- I have a great respect for homeostasis and the body's ability to heal. But I also feel strongly that this baby needs to sleep to heal, and she can't sleep if she is in pain. I'd rather err on the side of caution and give her a dose of pain medicine relative to her age/size than to have her in pain.
Q: Does she cry a lot?
A: Not at all, especially considering what she has been through. She does not like to have dirty diaper and she will fuss over a barely wet *disposable* diaper so she is very sensitive! She does seem to have nightmares-- she frequently wakes suddenly as if startled (in the absence of noise or any change in the environment) and cries out as if in sharp pain-- but she is easily soothed with snuggling, shushing and kisses. However, today we noticed she has started to "talk to the angels" in her sleep (that's what Nana calls it) which some infant experts say is just involuntary facial movements but I swear is more like practice smiling and laughing from a full day of studying our many funny faces and the animated ways in which we move our mouthes/tilt our heads, raise our eyebrows and nod, et cetera when talking. Also-- and I don't tell you this to intentionally break off a piece your heart but just to get it off my chest-- she does have this pitiful, not hungry, not diaper-related, sad, little cry; and sometimes it sounds like she is crying 'Mama' and it really makes me wonder if she is missing her birth mother, and makes me want to cry. I tell her she's okay, and everything is going to be alright and I will be her momma for now.
Q: Will you get to keep her?
A: We don't know. There was no promise of her being "legal risk" (adoptable) but I really wanted to take her in anyway given the extent of her injuries. Her five older siblings, ranging in ages from two to thirteen, are with a grandmother. We were told she will be placed with us for a minium of six months. We are just going to love her as if she is our own baby. We believe that she will always remember the love we gave her whether she joins our family or returns to hers.
Q: Would you like us to bring over some leftover pizza?
A: We're doing okay with meal preparation right now, but thank you for asking!I think we're nesting or babymooning or whatever you call it. Nonetheless, Mike will return to work a week from this Monday (October 17?) and that would be a great time to have some meals delivered.
Q: Do you need anything for the baby?
A: We have a borrowed Arms Reach co-sleeper from some LLL friends (which she slept in once for over an hour!) and also a Jenny Lind crib on layaway at Big Lots but we are looking for a good (new or used) crib mattress. I really want to get an organic mattress but will settle for a used one with a good cover until we get our first full stipend check in mid-November. I do not have any crib bedding yet except the sheets that came with the co-sleeper. She is pretty set for clothing and has a bunch of pretty blankets, and hopefully we will be getting a forward of $80 for clothing allowance so I can get some more open-bottom gowns and kimono shirts (they work well with the body cast). We could use some bibs until we get paid this Wedneday as we only have one! We were actually really broke at the time of this placement due to just finishing painting the exterior of our house, and we are waiting on an advance from Ariel out of our first stipend. The way it works is that they *reimburse* you for your expenses. We were lucky to be able to get some diapers and formula from the hospital, but we are almost out of both. She wears size 1 swaddlers with a size 3 over it to help with any leakage due to the shape and size of the body cast. If anyone has any of the above items that they are able to donate to her, we would be very grateful on behalf of her! Any items given to her will go with her wherever she goes. We could also use some bottles. We only have two. She will not take a pacifier (smart baby!). She could use another hat. She has one knit cap and she looks like a doll in it and even seems to like it!
Q: How are you doing? How is Mike?
A: I'm blissed out from the sweet baby girl vibes and Mike is already addicted to taking baby naps with Tomorrow on his chest. We're doing really well. We're a well-oiled machine when it comes to tag-team parenting and we both really enjoy loving up babies! We take turns sleeping and the boys sleep through the night so we'll be in a groove by the time Mike goes back to work. Being formula-fed, she does go a bit longer between feedings than mine did although not much longer. I have had a couple of panicky moments of
What were we thinking? Newborns are so much work and it is constant! but then Tomorrow wakes up and the love takes over again. She has also smiled at us and even giggled. There are perks to newborn care we had forgotten about.
Q: What were you thinking? Are you crazy? (No one has actually asked us these aloud.)
A: We were thinking it would be a good thing to do, and yes I am crazy. Crazy about babies! I am not a glutton for punishment, a martyr, nor an unusually unselfish person. Just a momma.
