First Blog of the New Year?!

Apparently I have not blogged here since DECEMBER 15. The holidays really threw me off my game, and then January just BLEW by! So I will catch this thing up a bit and go from there.

After my last entry, there was the HOLIDAZE. We celebrated the Solstice again this year. That is when Santa visited our home this year since we were going to be away for Christmas. The kids were really flexible with me emailing Santa and asking if we can move his visit up. Go figure.

Santa brought Princess Tomorrow her first pair of ballet slippers! **insert pic of ballet slippers here** (and I just realized I have not yet uploaded those photos to the laptop) This year there was less quantity of gifts and more quality, which appeared to suit the kids just fine. Tomorrow's brothers both got the instruments they had asked for, a guitar and a lap harp. So Hammy handed his guitar down to Moose, and Moose handed his glockenspiel down to Tomorrow. It was a very moving and precious moment that made me feel really proud to be their mother.

We tried to beat a blizzard out of town the week of Christmas but it caught up to us in Kansas. The weather was just horrible, and I really regretted that I didn't listen to my husband when he said we should just call the trip off or go after the storm passed. We were very fortunate that we did not go off the highway as many others did. We drove very slowly at times, and the kids were absolute angels. We drove much longer than we wanted to because we thought if we stopped for the night there was a chance we would get stuck wherever we stopped. So we drove as long as we could and finally stopped at 3 a.m. to spend the night in Hays, Kansas. Our van was covered in ice on one side! We finally arrived in Kansas City the next day, and so did the weather.

We got snowed in at my aunt and uncle's house on Christmas Eve! It would have been fun had we not stayed up so late and if the kids hadn't been so eager to get back to Grandpa's house where we were staying. They had been so looking forward to waking up at Grandpa's house on Christmas morning, and when we told them we couldn't make it because our windshield wipers stopped working, they cried so much that *I* started crying! It was a hard day's night.

Our Missouri trip was a comedy of errors, but taught us some important lessons. The biggest one is NOT TO TRY TO BEAT BLIZZARDS BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS WIN! I learned not to push my will with regard to travel. When God and/or Mother Nature tried to keep us at home and we decided to hit the road anyway, we were just asking for trouble. I had a nagging feeling about taking the van, but the SUV-- designed for Winter weather-- was having defrost problems so wasn't safe for visibility. Used cars are fine for local errands and outings but not for road trips.

Also, we will be staying home for the holidays from now on. Or, in Mike's words: "We will not be going to Missouri for Christmas until we can afford to fly, stay in a hotel and rent a car." And I gave that declaration a great big AMEN. Also, Christmastime in Kansas City is all go here, go there, and never stay anywhere long enough to relax. We would much rather enjoy a rejuvenating four-day weekend at home instead of a week plus of sleep-deprived travel with three kids-- and visit family in Missouri at a time that is less stressful (and warmer).

Mike gets ten days off a year now-- plus all of the federal holidays which make for some three day weekends here and there-- but we keep on using his annual vacation leave to go to Missouri (actually, we went to MO twice last year) and that is just not happening again this year.

Meanwhile, the family traditions that we've started at home are far too meaningful to forego: baking cookies and taking them to our favorite neighbors, going to church, seeing the City County Building lights turned on, waking up at home on Christmas Day. Moose said we got "ripped off" and Hammy must have said three times, "It was nice to go to Christmas but I wish we would have stayed home."

Of course, we always want to see our family in Missouri, but the holidays tend to be such a stressful time for everyone and dicey when it comes to getting out of Colorado on time. So it's a good time to visit, because everyone will be getting together-- but it's kind of a bad time to visit, because everyone will be getting together! Funny how that works. With the rushing here and there, one is never able to be in the moment and just BE with family. There's a timetable to each day, including a two-year-old's nap, and that's just not how a vacation is supposed to be.

The highlight of our trip was absolutely holding the bundle of joy that was my new niece Norah. Being able to see her just a week and a half old was such a blessing that we will always cherish. I don't have permission to post any pix of her here so I won't, but rest assured she is ADORABLE. My youngest sister had a homebirth at my mom's place and we missed the family while they were recuperating there, but we stayed close to where they live so we could visit without causing the tired new mom of two to have to drive to see us with a newborn and a toddler.

We had a very nice stay for a couple of nights at The Keeter Center on the campus of the College of the Ozarks. The boys thoroughly enjoyed the turn-down service with cookies and milk, and we all benefitted from getting caught up on our sleep and just hanging out and relaxing a bit.

We were so glad to get back home in January that we didn't go anywhere for about a week! We returned to find our new male kitten being lovingly mothered by our female cat. They groom each other and sleep together now. Our kid sitter who watched the cats, house and mail for us said that every day when she came over, the cats had gotten into something else...the cereal dispenser on the counter, the Wii remotes, magazines, and other things I can't recall now that they never mess with when we are here. She said it was as if little kids were home alone.

We took care of a three-month-old baby boy for two weeks in January, and all of us now agree that while we love babies and they are very cute and nice to hold, we do not really want to have another one! The kids were really sweet with the baby-- even Mara was loving and not jealous at all-- but the sheer reality of parenting four children was just completely overwhelming. We managed it one day at a time, and it only worked because Mike is a big help around the house. But now I definitely understand why my friends who have four children have had such messy homes at times (you know who you are and I love you): because they like to sleep and shower!

Speaking of sleep...this is dragging on far too long and my bed is calling me. There is so much more that I want to blog about, but I've begun writing my book and that tends to get most of my "free time". (As does Facebook-- yes, I admit it. I can access it from my phone and I have SMS Subscriptions to the posts of my closest friends, so I can socialize on my terms and at any hour while the kids are eating, playing, riding bikes or sleeping. You have your addictions, too.)

Princess Tomorrow is TWO!

Mara summitted Pikes Peak before she was two!

At the Cliff Dwellings in Manitou Springs

Smelling a $250 flower at Seven Minute Station

The Fountain of Youth

Two days before she was two years

It's almost unbelievable to me that Tomorrow's babyhood has flown by, even though there were some very long days and nights over the past two years! It feels as though her babyhood was set to warp speed, and I think I missed out a bit. Even though I know for sure that I cherished *her*, and I learned to take each day one day at a time and said thank you for each and every one we had with her, I held back just a bit of my heart for fear that she could have been taken from us. I do feel like now I am allowing myself to live as if our future is secure, even though it isn't official, and there is a definite change in that I have noticed I've begun to feel more put-upon more often! I think this is a normal part of accepting her as ours. When I refer to her as "One more dirty laundry-producer", it means she is one of us. I swear I do an extra load of laundry a day now that I have a girl in the house! But I do remind myself to savor the milestones and the moments like her spinning around in her dress or lifting it over her head and pretending to be a ballerina, because I may not have another daughter. And in just four weeks, she will have been with us for two years (because she was placed with us at five weeks of age), so I will be sure to spend that day honoring the gift of a daughter with which we have been entrusted.

Meanwhile, Tomorrow is a typical two-year-old in many ways. My days are punctuated by her telling me "No Mommy!" or calling me "Dummy Mommy!" (as I try not to smile or laugh at her petulant independence); her loudly exclaiming "Pee! Pee!" as she whips off her g-diaper mostly so she can run around without any pants on for a half an hour (all the while not squeezing out a single droplet of urine); her screeching if anyone dares to change the channel from "Abby and Elmo" (Sesame Street)*; her yelling "Bobble!" (bottle) at me when she suddenly decides she cannot eat food fast enough to fill her little belly; her demanding that I put "paint" on her nails over and over until I stop and do so; her yelling "Cudders" when she wants the crayons, and so on...she is such a boisterous little thang, and is so much larger than life as they say, that I sometimes forget she is only two until she's asleep and only taking up one eighth of her big girl bed.

*The other day, she was laying on the floor, looking up at the ceiling and zoning out. I asked her, "What are you thinking about?" and she said, "Elmo. And Abby," in a very serious little voice. It was the cutest thing, because she was absolutely sincere. I forced myself not to laugh.

Yet in many ways she is so atypical, with her sweetness and understanding of human emotions. She can sense when one of her brothers are not feeling well and will tilt her head and say, "Okay, brubber? Owie?" She can tell when I am overwhelmed and will say, "Nuggle, Mommy?" as if to say, Let's go lay down and snuggle, 'cause this can wait. The way she wraps her baby doll in a blanket and shushes her to sleep while holding her makes my heart swell with pride that THAT is how she has learned to treat a baby, rather than the way she was mistreated before she came to be with us. It is nothing short of a miracle! Sometimes I feel as if I am trapped in a monotonous cycle of cooking, dishes and laundry. But if Tomorrow comes up to me and pulls on my hand or hugs my leg, it forces me to snap out of thinking negatively, and to focus on what an amazing family we are and what a blessing is Tomorrow. Most days I feel so challenged, grateful, humble, overwhelmed and proud all at once that I can't put my feelings into words so I don't even attempt to do so. I know now that Tomorrow was absolutely supposed to be with us.

She is unlike any child I have ever known. As much as she gets frustrated with my inability to instantaneously be and do all things for her at all times, daily she tells me, "Dank you, Mommy" and I know she means it. She thanks me for changing her g-diaper, for doing her hair, for dressing her, for starting her Barbie and the Diamond Castle DVD in her bedroom for the 50th time.

Though she apparently abhors all other movies in the Barbie genre and refuses to even watch the first minute of any of the five her father bought her, "B and the D.C.", as I call it, is currently her favorite movie She is obsessed with it, and she holds up her pink Barbie remote, pretends it is a microphone and sings, "Uh-nected, Uh-nected, uh-nected" (Connected) and she demands that I also hold a remote and sing along with her. Luckily we got her pink Disney princess TV on Craigslist, so it came with three useless pink remotes from three other pink Disney devices, and they make excellent pretend microphones.

One day she had the entire family in her room and made us all sing Connected with her. If she noticed one of us wasn't singing, she would order us to sing! ("DADDY! SING!") It was one of those Hallmark movie moments that almost made me sick with its pink sweetness. How did such a small girl trick me into accepting two things I swore would NEVER be allowed in my home? (Barney and Barbie) Apparently, she is already quite adept at getting her way.

Still, how can I begrudge all of my filthy and thankless household chores when I have a grateful and mindful *toddler* in my home? Somehow I find a way, but I do feel sufficiently guilty about it whenever she comes up to me with a book and says, "Read me, Mommy?" or when I am lying in bed at night after the three angels are fast asleep. She makes me stop and smell the roses. She reminds me of what is important, that we can choose our family and our path in life and that every single day, no matter how monotonous or uneventful, is an ordinary miracle.