Home from the hospital!
Mara did NOT like the rubber nipples from the hospital!
Hammy loved bottlefeeding his new sister!
Babywearing takes on a whole new meaning with "Kangaroo Care" (skin-to-skin contact with a newborn or traumatized baby inside the parent's shirt or wrap).
Heart to heart, where every new Mamatoto needs to be (Mamatoto is Swahili for mother and baby, and denotes the inseparable nature of the newborn baby/mother dyad).
Day Two: Resistance is futile.
Today was the last day of the TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) hearings with regard to the custody of the three younger girls Tamara, Monee and Ayanna. I was not in the courtroom at the beginning of the trial but Mike was and took notes for me. The judge had concluded the previous day of testimony, on May 15, with a statement that this case has taken entirely too long, for which he apologized but attributed mostly to a full docket and such a large list of witnesses. He then ordered that mom would not have her visit that day at 4:45 in Montbello, since she had to take public transportation to get there, so that we could continue with the County Case Worker's testimony and cross-examination until 5.
Unfortunately that resulted in *two* make-up visits for us that were during the day-- one at 9 a.m.-- and during the week. We have never had to make up visits for holidays before but there was a conflict with a furlough day, and we had to make that visit up! I am so very tired of the disruption and inconvenience of visits-- and I hate to say it, but I will be very glad when the visits stop. Although it is my understanding that we will still have visits with the sisters, they'll be casually arranged between the other foster parents and us. And that's if Monee and Ayanna are not placed with us at least temporarily, until a foster-adopt placement can be made. That is a very real possibility at this time.
So anyway,
what was supposed to be the last day of trial with continued testimony from the Case Worker, Case Aide, birth mom and another doctor or therapist, was put to a stop by mom choosing an "Offer of Proof". It was my understanding that she had to decide in the very beginning whether to have a Trial or Offer of Proof-- but apparently, she can change her mind and choose the other option at any time. The judge made sure she had not been coerced to make that choice, and asked her and the "dad" if they had been promised anything or told that this would guarantee them a certain outcome. Then they both nodded so the judge had to state for the record that they were indicating "no". I think perhaps they are intimidated by the judge even though he appears to be a very calm, gentle, kind and lenient man to us. We only hope he isn't too lenient-- and that he isn't the judge we have heard about who always tends to return children at least once if not twice with a slap on the hand to the parents. The Case Worker said this judge is very pro-reunification-- but the primary goal of CPS in Colorado (and most states) is supposed to be reunification, so that alone isn't enough to concern me. Besides, this case is quite extreme.
Since I wasn't there I don't know what else was said prior to that but when I walked in the judge was making sure that mom was sure that this was what she wanted to do, and he made it very clear to her that if she proceeds in this manner, she forfeits her right to testify and also to make a confidential statement to him in his chambers. She indicated that she understood and they proceeded with the Offer of Proof.
With an Offer of Proof, the burden of proof lies with the Prosecution. The Deputy District Attorney (D.A.) began by saying that if she were to call the Case Worker, he would testify that the safety plans that are in place for the three older girls are not sufficient to see that they are going to school and where they're supposed to be. She said that he would say that he had called the house on the first day of school and the girls were not at school but home alone without mom. The D.A. went into all of the things he *would* say if he *were* testifying, which was awkward but did seem quicker than if the actual person was testifying. So she was basically running through the facts of the case, and what she would have gotten him to say.
The biggest point that the D.A. made was that since mom is doing so poorly with raising the three older daughters at this time-- not being able to get them in school nor keep them there-- their safety plans are not effective nor working. Also, since two of the three teens are "Perps" now, they will be going through Perp Training and there will be places they are not allowed to go such as Elitch's (amusement park), the pool, zoo, et cetera.
Basically, the D.A. made the case that mom is failing with the three older girls in her custody, so she is in no place to take on the younger three who have even more extensive issues and needs than the older three, not to mention the fact that she will have to make sure that most of the girls are separate from each other or supervised, especially at night. Plus, she would have to secure housing that is at least three times the square footage of her current apartment. Our house doesn't even have the number of bedrooms needed to keep everyone separate at night!
Furthermore, the teens have had over 200 absences from school this year (that is counting individual classes and not days, and I believe it is for all three of them so that's about 66 absences for each teen...66 classes they were not in attendance...66 lessons they did not get...)and the D.A. made the point that if mom cannot keep them in school, then she cannot guarantee they will not be around the younger children if they are returned. Once again, that could have been what happened or at least part of the problem.
And it's probably only a matter of time before Linda and Steven are living together again. She told me on Wednesday before court that they are "married married" not just common law married so whatever! I've always felt like she was simply doing her time waiting for all of this to blow over so she can go back to her old life, if she has even done anything different at all that is. Who knows, with the Case Workers stopping by so infrequently, they could sleep together every night and no one would be the wiser.
Why do I get surprise home inspections every quarter but the woman whose baby had TWENTY FOUR BROKEN BONES AT FIVE WEEKS OF AGE has not ever had anyone show up at her apartment unannounced? She should have someone following her around to see what she is really up to and stopping by the apartment unannounced every so often to see who is there, and if they are drinking or doing drugs, et cetera. Mara did not test positive for alcohol or any drugs at five weeks, but if some of the injuries occurred at two weeks, my theory has always been that they had to get drugs out of their systems before going in to the ER. Meanwhile, more bones were broken!
But back to the Offer of Proof.
After the D.A. for the Prosecution concluded her testimony, the defense attorneys both had the opportunity to cross-examine and did not choose to do so. I was very surprised by this. Then it went to each of them. The defense attorney for mom made some lame arguments. First, she rehashed the tired old story about how mom had to work (that is only 40 hours a week) and was leaving the baby and girls in the care of Steven, whom she had no reason not to trust. She likes to allude to this idea that if mom was working she couldn't know what was going on when she wasn't there. As a mom who was worked outside the home twice with my children (once when Hammy was just 8 weeks old until he was 1 year and then when Hammy was 5 and Moose was 3-- just before Mara was placed with us). I always knew what was going on when I was not here! If not because I arranged/assigned it, but because I called to check in and asked the boys how it went when I got home. I quickly found out if their dad had let them watch a movie they weren't supposed to watch (Spiderman 3) because they had a hard time falling asleep that night afraid of spiders biting them and turning them into Spiderman. Then the nightmares. This always informed Mike's childcare and he has learned that Hammy especially is a little spy, a human tape recorder. every family has one, and it has blown my mind that Linda's little tape recorder child (Ayanna) was silent for so long. She is playing the tapes now, now that she is safe therapy with a woman she trusts, but you know she had to be frightened within an inch of her life to be silent for so long. I shudder to think what that man told her to get her to be quiet for such a long time. Now, if the judge decides to be "lenient" (and completely ethically and morally irresponsible in my mind) and returns even one of those girls, they will pay a price for the things they have said to Case Workers and Counselors. As an example to the other girls that this is what happens when you talk about family secrets to others.
The one most likely to be placed with the family, in some sort of kinship placement, is Ayanna-- although mom made a pathetic plea through her attorney to have Monee returned to her mother. Linda's "mother" is actually her *Great-Aunt* and is in her seventies! She has grown children (adopted from family members when they themselves went into foster care for abuse and neglect) with special needs including physical disabilities that are becoming difficult for her to manage. Monee or Ayanna would be nothing more than a glorified CNA/servant in her home. But that jut went to show the preference Linda has always had for Monee. She said from the very beginning that she thought she should have gotten Monee back right away because she was more bonded to her and she needed her mother more (she was three and a half when they went into foster care). She has shown favoritism for Monee all along that the other children pick up on. I honestly don't think she even wanted the teenage girls back...the County Case Worker called them "lost causes" and I feel like that is how mom thinks of them as well. And her behavior supports this fact. Why bother to get them to stay in school and make something of themselves if you believe they are going to follow in your drinking and drugging, gang-banging, "partying" lifestyle foosteps, get pregnant at a young age and perpetuate the cycle of abuse, neglect, and sexualization at a young age?
Sometimes I wonder how the attorneys and judges do this for a living. To see these kind of cases and these kind of extremely dysfunctional families, day in and day out, and to know that there is a large population of families with this type of abuse and neglect flying under the radar and slipping though the cracks in the various systems, has to be quite depressing. Then again, maybe it is all in day's work for people who function from a place of logic and not emotion. I finally had to succumb to anti-depressants and I am merely the foster mother to one of these children. She slips through the cracks, and I'll have to be committed!
So anyway, mom's attorney made a fool of herself as usual, even began to cry on the stand (so fake-- especially since she has been totally unprofessional all along) and concluded that mom be given a second chance with Monee and Ayanna at least.
Nonetheless, it was mom's defense attorney who finally pointed us out after four days at the hearings and explained to the judge that Tamara was in our care and that we were interested in adopting her, That was the first time anyone had pointed out who we were to the judge, even though we have been there every day of the trial, and that we were interested in having Monee over for visits and even overnight respite in order to see if she wold do well in our home. I was very grateful to her for making that part of the court record. I know that Linda put her up to that, because Linda (who was sobbing by then) turned around to look at me at that point and nodded through her tears, and I was bawling but I managed to squeak out a "thank you" and Linda said "thank you" back to me. We were both so emotional, and I realized what an intense moment it was when the Court Reporter looked like *she* was moved to tears watching our facial reaction (there are two court reporters and I think one of them may be making notes of how people are acting). The judge had always looked at me sort of confusedly, especially when I was crying during testimony about things that happened to the girls-- but once he knew who we were, it was as if there was a giant light bulb above his head and he looked at me quite differently when I was crying. There were many times I was the only person in the room shedding a tear, and initially I felt foolish, but finally I accepted that's just the way I am and it's why I wanted to foster-adopt, so I can't pretend not to be who I am.
I admire that the judge is someone who is apparently so logical that he cannot seem to understand outbursts of emotion-- for me that's how a judge ought to be! S/he is not supposed to be emotional; a judge is merely supposed to rule based on the law in place at the time. There isn't even any need for historical precedence or interpretation needed as our laws are actually quite straightforward. The judge needs only to rule based on the current laws. Judges are not supposed to legislate from the bench! If you have never before understood this distinction, please try very hard to understand it now, in the context of this case: were Judge Woods to interpret the law, he could say that because mom said she did not have any knowledge of the abuse she ought to be given another chance with her kids. The law says she should have protected them even in her absence. This is a distinct law. It does not absolve caretakers and childcare providers of any responsibility, it merely puts the primary responsibility with the parent(s) where it ought to be. Otherwise, were the law any different, YOUR CHILD'S DAYCARE WORKERS AND TEACHERS WOULD HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO TELL YOU AS A PARENT HOW TO RAISE YOUR CHILD! I try to give others the latitude that I want to have myself, no more and no less. "Live and let live".
Once more I've totally digressed, but I'm *almost* done with the recount of court!
The defense attorney for the "psychological father" (I just call him PSYCHO DAD) argued that while the testimony has incriminated him and "unfairly portrayed him" and will most likely lead to termination of his parental rights for all three girls, he would like to resume family therapy and visits with all three girls (!!!). It's so unbelievable that the attorney would even make that request. It will be a cold day in hell before any judge in his right mind would allow that man access to any children. He will be lucky not to come out of this with criminal charges, E.g. Child Felony Abuse and Child Sexual Abuse, and *at least* five counts of both. He would do well to tell his attorney to shut her mouth and take what he's got coming which is NO CONTACT WITH ANY OF THE GIRLS EVER AGAIN. If I were his court-appointed attorney, I would be brief and respectful, not saying anything to incriminate my client but not defend him either.
Near the end of the Offer of Proof, the judge shared that he was counting words on his Mac Notebook, and he was already at well over 20,000 on this case. I am guessing that is unusual? I don't know, but I've personally filled almost three small spiral notebooks with notes about this case; and I tend to only write down testimony that's new to me, and psychological testing and diagnoses since I feel like I will need to know it in order to work with Mara and/or her sister(s). We finally hand-delivered all copies of our Motion To Intervene to the interested/involved parties (birth mom, her attorney, psycho father, his attorney, G.A.L., and a sister of the birth mom). The copy for the sister of the birth mom will be sent to General Delivery, a veritable black hole for mail that no one really expects will be delivered, because I do not have her address and no one on the legal team seems to be able to get it to me. Apparently, they include John Doe as an involved party in almost all of the Juvenile Court cases as an umbrella to cover anyone who might otherwise be left out of the proceedings. However, John Doe was removed from this case once the paternity of all six children was established.
Wrapping up the final day of the TPR Hearing, the judge had made it clear at the beginning that he was not prepared to make a decision that day (I cannot for the life of me understand why, but can only hope he has his reasons). He asked for a week to make his decision. Due to scheduling conflicts for all of the various attorneys with the dates in the first of week of June, June 11 was the first available date,
so the judge will rule on this case on June 11 at 3:30.In the meantime, if you want to send a letter to the judge sharing your positive testimony about how Mara has bonded with and healed, recovered and thrived in our family, you may mail your letters to:
The Honorable Judge Woods
District Court, Division 2
1437 Bannock St.,
Denver CO, 80212Thank you in advance for taking the time to write a letter and mail it to the judge before June 11. It means so very much to us.
We will be keeping ourselves busy with putting up a new swingset, getting ready for Moose's 5th birthday party at Jungle Quest, and having a yard sale the weekend after the June 11th ruling...so this may be my last post until we get closer or have a decision. Please feel free to post your comments even if you did not get through this, my longest blog post ever! It means a lot to me that I have faithful readers, even when you do not comment on what I have written. Someday when this blog is public again, I know I will have many more readers-- but they will not mean nearly as much to me as the family and close friends who've been with us on this journey.
