Tomorrow's Update

Princess Tomorrow's First Nap On Her New Daddy

Okay, here goes...

The biggest piece of news I have to share so far is that the judge pretty quickly terminated Princess Tomorrow's bio dads rights the first morning of the trial, because he has not answered any calls or letters from the court, even though he is alleged to have had contact with Tomorrow's bio mom by whom she has two daughters (Tomorrow and her five-year-old sister, Monet). As someone put it, he is "mostly incarcerated". In other words, it's a wonder that he and Tomorrow's bio mom were able to conceive two babies in the time he's been out of jail.

Thus, Tomorrow is currently fatherless according to law, though we all know who her REAL Daddy is: The Best Foster-Adopt Dad Ever A.K.A. The One Wrapped Very Tightly Around Her Little, Brown, Wrinkly, Wiser-Than-Her-Years-Looking Pinky Finger (Which Is Always Painted With Nail Polish, Of Course).

That was a HUGE relief, as it means it's HIGHLY UNLIKELY that the judge would then approve ANY home studies or placements that include extended family in New York. Two have already come out of the woodwork (whereas they often don't until after termination), so that was indeed a very big step.

The Prosecution is obviously making the case for Failure to Protect and Termination of Parental Rights (TPR), perhaps even leading to criminal charges of Child Physical Abuse for one or both parents. In my 'As Fair As Possible' ideal world, all suspects in these kind of child abuse cases would be in jail until they started talking about what happened. This family still isn't talking a year and a half later, and a counselor has testified that the boyfriend or "psychological father" (LMAO) would probably not change his story in twenty years. But I'll delve more deeply into the witnesses and testifying in a bit. Just the facts for right now...

Remember how the County Case Worker from DHS (bless his sweet heart) tried to get the judge to TPR when Tomorrow was one? Because SUPPOSEDLY her case is an Expedited Placement Plan (EPP)? Because as the State Reviewer explained to me in the very first Administrative Review which I did on the phone while swaddling a baby who still had two healing femurs: They like to see EPPs in their permanent home within a year. E.P.P. MY FAT A.S.S. I'm waiting for a pig to fly out of the judge's butt next time. Seems as likely at this point as the juvenile court being able to do their job within such a generous time frame.

Given that there are TWO families involved in this case now-- her biological family and her foster-adopt family (that's us)-- and that Tomorrow is at a crucial phase in her attachment and development, in which she still has many special needs (especially since she was severely abused between two and five weeks of age), would it not be a pretty clear cut case for a judge to rule on? And could he not at least decide her portion of it? The DHS Case Worker has always said, "The Department essentially considers her case to be separate since she was so young when the abuse occurred and was not already dysfunctionally bonded to her bio family." Although she's had visits with them every week for a year. So she now thinks of them as what? A babysitting family? A family play date? A live version of Nitro Circus?

Now, recall how I shared with you above that DHS tried to get the judge to TPR for Tomorrow only when she was one and the judge said they couldn't because it was a *permanency* hearing, and termination could only be decided at TPR hearings. Well, guess what? We have now seen that very same judge terminate parental rights at a quick placement hearing that was right before our trial began. So screw the entire juvenile court and the judge they all rode in on. And yes, I've been swearing A LOT! This is more frustrating even than my own youngest sister's child abuse case (by a babysitter's husband, not anyone in our family, which goes a long way toward explaining why I am a stay-at-home homeschooling mom) and my own so-called criminal case involving marijuana. It's so frustrating because all of the lawyers appear to be in cahoots, they work together every day, and this is just another case to them. They don't appear to care how long it goes on, as long as they have their high heels and their crisp white shirts and their endless lattes...NO ONE has said anything about dragging this case out another two days in another month. I think it's great that the juvenile court does not take TPR lightly, at least not for this family, and I am so glad that the prosecution is calling so many educated and experienced witnesses. But at some point one would think that 24 broken bones at 5 weeks of age would be enough.

We sat through two long days of testimony by expert witnesses for the prosecution with cross examinations by the inexperienced/unprofessional defense attorneys for both parents. The Deputy City Attorney wears the highest heels in the room, she clearly knows her stuff inside and out and has a great deal of experience while looking young (I'd say she's in her early 40s). She speaks very calmly and coolly, and no one can fluster her or get by with an unclear statement on the stand if she is cross-examining. I wouldn't have fretted so much about the trial if someone had bothered to tell me they were going to call EIGHT expert witnesses to testify that Mara and the other girls were indeed abused and neglected. I wish the DHS Case Worker or GAL had told me. I've missed a lot of sleep lately.

The experts who have testified thus far include: a Child Abuse Specialist/Pediatrician from Children's Hospital who was on duty when Mara was brought in, a Psychologist with a PhD in Parent-Child Interactions (not infarctions or infractions as the bio mom's attorney kept saying!), and a Renaissance counselor with a BS in Engineering, Master's in some fine art and PhD in Clinical Pastoral Counseling (who was thought to be the one person who could get through to the man we refer to as "Denver Daddy" who had initially been in jail for the abuse). Also, at the very end of the first day we heard from a woman who heads up The Resource Center in Denver and works with sex offenders *and* victims of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) including former gang members and those court-ordered to attend Perp training. She continued her testimony on the second day, but it was broken up by testimony by two other counselors who have worked with Tomorrow's full sister at The Kemp Center where she attends a special preschool program and gets counseling once a week, so her testimony was a bit broken up and maybe not as powerful because of the interruptions. Otherwise, she had a great deal to contribute to the record, including some very disturbing testimony that the oldest teenager saw the boyfriend/common law husband shake and strike Princess Tomorrow, and once heard her crying out loudly in a locked room but her "dad" would not let her in. Tomorrow's sister Monet who is five is very confused about who is her father, she seems to think she has two fathers but is not sure which one is "the real one" and has stated that "I don't have a mom anymore because I was bad, and I did something bad at a visit, too," but she won't say what she did, "because my mom can do things." She does not believe that any adult caregivers can take care of her or anyone else for that matter, so she feels like she has to take care of everyone. She may very well have been left alone with the newborn baby, at least for periods of time much longer than any sane parent would have allowed. E.g. Bio mom going out to a club to continue her "partying lifestyle" she had in New York as opposed to just going to pee in the next room realquicklike while baby is asleep.

The biggest issue for Monet (which yes, does have to do with Tomorrow's case) is that she's suffering with severe PTSD from seeing her dads engage in a physical fight that was very violent. The child is being treated with medications that seem inappropriate or strong for a five year old. I know I have only a Bachelor's degree in Psychology, but I do have extensive experience in medication administration in the residential social services setting and with young adults with developmental disabilities and mental illness including Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Major Depressive Episodes. All with or without PTSD, and once with Autism. So, I have a general idea of what is appropriate for a girl as young as Monet (LOTS OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and a very generous dose of individual, group and play therapy including art, dolls and music). It just doesn't seem right for her to be on two really strong meds (Prozac and Clonadin, and both increased recently when her counselor went on maternity leave).
I have heard of her not being allowed to get out of her bed until the foster mother allows her to do so, not even to play quietly in her room, and she has spoken about not being able to eat breakfast when she is hungry. So I am left to guess that the medication is being used as a sort of chemical restraint. It's so convenient for so many parents to medicate their children in order to deal with their behaviors. And I think it's inhumane, but it is rampant in our society. Just look at all the kids with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder). Call me Tom Cruise if it helps you feel better, I could care less to speak the truth.

But I digress...the point is that Monet is not doing well in her current placement (her third foster home in 18 months) and this is what I think led her mom to ask me in the bathroom after the first full day of court if I would take Monet if/when the judge terminates her parental rights. YES, YOU READ THAT RIGHT: Mara's mom asked me if I would also take Mara's 5 y.o. sister Monet. YES, THE ONE I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO HAVE OVER FOR A PLAY DATE OR DINNER PARTY FOR A YEAR. And yes, as I told her mom almost instantly, it would be my honor to adopt Monet. It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks to us. Mike and I have already discussed this at length for about a year now. If a large family isn't for you, that's fine-- but please understand that helping to keep two bio siblings together who would otherwise be separated through foster care placement IS something we ARE prepared to do. In other words, it is NOT something we are willing to REGRET. We have always said we wanted to adopt a sister for Monet later-- who better than her own biological sister? It would also ensure that every one in the original family was in a permanent home with at least one biological family member. The bio mom's mom (who is really her aunt) or "Grandma" says she will take the 8 y.o. sister but she does not feel like she can handle both the 5 and 8 year olds. WE KNOW all Monet needs is a whole lot of unconditional love. We are confident that our home has the consistency, fun, intellectual stimulation, limits, love, safety, and structure that Monet needs to thrive (not to mention the CAM she needs to recover from her PTSD).

Anyway, back to the courtroom. It would take me 14 hours to tell what happened in 2 days of court, but since I'm not a Court Reporter I won't do that. I don't even know if it's legal for me to share what I have already, but I am assuming since only the expert witnesses were sequestered and anyone could sit through the proceedings in the courtroom (and a CASA did the first day), it's basically public record.

What we are hearing about is a history of parent:child and child:child incest (not surprisingly, right?) including a history of incest for both parents, plus some major abandonment issues for both parents" (bio mom's mom was a "crack whore" and she was separated from her 7 siblings in a foster care kinship placement with an aunt who later married her uncle ("step father") and another uncle-- both men molested her and she only recently began dealing with her own herstory of incest/molestation/rape; the boyfriend/dad's mom died when he was eight and he was also raised by family members, plus he suffered from kidney failure and could no longer work, leaving him a stay-at-home parent raising bio mom's "affair babies") and a clear pattern of neglect, abuse and domestic violence in the home.

It's so terribly sad and I have never cried so much in a courtroom. Like I said, not even that much when S.J.'s abuser was convicted nor when I was convicted with a felony at age nineteen with my Public Defender who didn't even know how to tie his own tie and a few family members speaking for me.

This is all I can write right now, it's time to get ready for an Easter party/family reunion with egg hunt. Tomorrow is done napping and we need to quickly bathe/shower and get dressed up all Easter-y and stuff. BLECH! I officially loathe Easter this year. I was hoping that Good Friday would have resulted in TPR. Not that it would be something to *celebrate* since it is basically like a death in the biological family (which is why I wore black both days and no makeup), but I will be sorrowfully grateful when this is all said and done and Tomorrow and Monet are legally our daughters.

P.S. We will return to court on May 15 and 27.

P.P.S. I may post more gory details of the case as I learn them but I believe it only serves to keep my blog in private mode forever, so one day I may just delete this post entirely. It is in the court record, to which we will now have access.


Taking Tomorrow Home With Sugar Skulls