Social Workers are neither social nor workers: discuss.

I'm so fed up with Ariel Clinical Services~ our CPA (Child Protective Agency)~ and the Denver DHS (Department of Human Services). They are NEITHER protective nor service-oriented.

The first time the Adoption Worker came over to visit, she asked me at the end of the visit, if I had any questions. I said, "Yes, just one: WHEN can we ADOPT our daughter?"

Specifically, I asked if it would be possible for us to adopt her on National Adoption Day, November 21. I waited a week for her to get back to me. When I called her she said she didn't know about it but she would "look into it" (I think that means blink and then forget I asked about it).

So I called the Case Manager at our CPA, Ariel. I asked her what is the holdup, what do we have to do? Where are we at in this process? And did someone drop a ball somewhere? So she said she would "look into it" and get back to me. I waited a week for HER to call me. Then I called both of them and tried to get them to talk to each other in a 3-way call. Oh no, they are too busy right now, one of them will call me when she in the office in two days, and the other one doesn't have the paperwork in front of her right now, so she will have to look at it and see "where we are at".

Finally about TWO WEEKS LATER, I find out that agency #1 has done the Certified Adoptive Homestudy, and agency #2 has done the Presentation of the Child, so the only thing left to do is "Subsidy Paperwork". THEN the two of them argue about whose job it is to do the paperwork. "Normally, the county does it" one says, and the other says exactly the opposite! "Normally the CPA does it, whoever you get your monthly check from, but I am not sure..." (she says she is "not really sure" way too often if you ask me~ and while I appreciate her honesty, maybe she could call a superior and LEARN HOW TO DO HER JOB!)

What is this subsidy anyway, and can we just decline it? I ask. It's money the state will continue giving us each month after we adopt her. I didn't know we would get another dime after adopting her. It's not as much as your foster care stipend, they tell me, but it's something. Because by adopting her we are taking the burden of her care off of the state.

So for that, you might think they would bend over backwards to push paperwork through as soon as possible, so kids can be adopted as quickly as possible and they can save more money. That's what I thought anyway. We would like to adopt her on National Adoption Day, which is November 21. (Well, for some reason it's on November 20 here in Denver).

Then the Adoption Worker says in order for us to be able to adopt her on National Adoption day November 20, we would have to have our paperwork done by this week, as in by October 30. OKAY NO PROBLEM! If I was her I would find out what was needed and not rest until it was completed and submitted to whatever person higher up the food chain has to sign it or approve it or whatever.

HOW HARD CAN IT BE FOR THEM TO DETERMINE WHAT THE STATE IS GOING TO PAY US AFTER WE ADOPT HER?! Certainly there is a formula or something that they use to figure this out? I am sure it depends on her age at adoption, diagnoses/diseases/ medications, what they perceive to be her ongoing needs (we've got it covered) and any therapeutic services that she currently utilizes (NONE).

So the Adoption Worker comes over for a visit today. Did she bring any subsidy paperwork for us to fill out or sign? Nope. Just a big, dopey grin and about a dozen questions for my kids about homeschooling including "Do you like it?"

I AM SO DONE HAVING THESE AUTOMATONS "VISIT" OUR HOME.

I AM SO SICK OF THEIR BLANK STARES WHEN I ASK THEM SPECIFIC QUESTIONS.

I AM SO ANNOYED WITH "I WILL HAVE TO GET BACK TO YOU" AND "I WILL HAVE TO LOOK INTO IT AND SEE WHAT I CAN FIND OUT".

I AM SO DISGUSTED BY SO-CALLED SOCIAL WORKERS WHO CANNOT COMMUNICATE WITH OTHER MEMBERS OF OUR DAUGHTER'S TEAM.

I AM SO TIRED OF THINKING FOR THESE PEOPLE.

I AM SO FED UP WITH REMINDING PEOPLE TO DO THEIR JOBS.

I AM SO PISSED THAT THEY ARE GETTING PAID TO COME OVER TO OUR HOUSE, ASK US RUDE QUESTIONS AND THEN SIGN A PIECE OF PAPER.

THEY DO NOTHING TO HELP ANYONE!

I could go on and on but I'm so angsty from thinking about it that I could explode.

Going for a walk in the snow now, to cry and clear my head...

No News = Good News

Princess Tomorrow in her dress from Auntie J on TPR Day

On the mini trampoline...looks like she was concentrating on being safe for her "Aunt Den"

With her Case Worker from Denver Human Services on his last visit

He's leaving the department and he said he was really glad that he got to see her case mostly resolved-- and he said it's the best "success story" he's seen!

It appears I've been on vacation from blogging. We've just been really busy, to say the least. The vegetable garden ate up our July, and we've spent our weekends staycationing and taking daytrips around Colorado as much as possible.

The nice thing is that no news really is good news. Hopefully you, my faithful readers, know that about my blogging style by now. There hasn't been any calamity, drama, gossip or problems with visits to vent about. We've finally gotten a chance to babymoon and enjoy being a family with OUR little girl without the intrusion of the weekly, court-ordered visits. I always knew they were disruptive, and now I know full well exactly how disruptive they were. Tomorrow has almost completely stopped hitting and kicking, and she doesn't cry hysterically whenever I say, "Let's do your hair, okay?"

Then there's the fact that HAVING THREE ACTIVE KIDS IS KICKING MY BUTT. When Mike talks about wanting to adopt a sister for Tomorrow someday, I remind him that the only way I will be willing to adopt another child is if she has Down Syndrome or for some other reason has a below average IQ. Please don't take offense to this if you have a child with Down's Syndrome. I worked for six years with adults with developmental disabilities and have said I think we "normal" people are the ones with the messed-up genes, because never before have I felt so appreciated and unconditionally loved for who I really am regardless of my car, clothing, et cetera than I was by my clients with Down's Syndrome. And anyway, MY POINT IS: I don't need any more "high functioning" and intelligent children to raise! I have my work cut out for me already.

There's literally not enough time in the day for all things the kids want to do plus what I feel like I need to do. The one downside to unschooling is that we are always learning! A love of learning is something that once illuminated cannot be dimmed. Our children are so very curious and they want to know EVERYTHING. TODAY. I can spend all day long helping them research things they want to know more about (currently teeth as Hammy lost his second one last night) while sneaking in the things that the state of Colorado says they need to know, and still they go to bed asking questions.

We're also recertifying as a foster family/home this month so we've been busy with CPR and First Aid refreshers, planned and surprise home inspections, paperwork (the same paperwork we filled out last year, but we have to fill it out again even if nothing has changed) including making copies of anything they have lost since last year, our annual S.A.F.E. questionnaires (in which they ask the most personal questions you can imagine of each spouse separately and then they compare our answers), and private interviews with the kids.

The answers the kids gave in their interviews were funny. First of all, when it came time for the Case Manager to interview the kids they were all sucked into Wii, because we had had to keep them occupied while we were doing our interviews. Plus it was dinnertime. Then there's the fact that Hammy and Moose are so over Tomorrow it's as if she's already ours. When the Case Manager asked them how they are doing, they both said "Great" without even looking away from the TV screen. When she asked how Tomorrow is doing, they said, "Pretty good" and "Okay, I guess." When asked what happens when they get in trouble, Hammy said, "We have to sit on the steps-- or if I'm really rude to my mom, then I can just go to my room." She asked what happens when Tomorrow gets in trouble and Hammy said, "My mom says she isn't really old enough to get in trouble yet but SHE IS TROUBLE. And if she hits us, then she has to sit on the bottom step 'cause she's one." When she asked if they had any needs, Hammy said, "Not anymore since I got one-on-one time with my parents back and I get an allowance." And Moose said, "I get one-on-one time but I need an allowance." And when she asked them if there is anything Tomorrow needs, Hammy said, "One-on-one time. She doesn't really get any." HA! We spend so much one-on-one time together sometimes I think we're one person. But I know what he meant, it's not like I take her to the park to shoot hoops and get a cherry limeade from Sonic or anything like I do with him and maybe I should. But she goes on errands all the time with her daddy (because she'll cry hysterically and shake violently if she can't go).

Considering the things our kids could have said, their interviews went really well! No one said anything about the time I locked myself in the bathroom, crying, and told Mike that I was going to go stay in a hotel until the boys stopped fighting constantly. I'm sure they know to take what the kids say in context of their age, but I bet they get some really funny answers. I'd love to hear some of the funnier ones.

And finally, because I know some of you are/were wondering, the status of the adoption process right now is kind of in a holding pattern but still headed in the right direction. We're so used to it. We have a post-termination hearing on September 3, and mom is appealing the way her case was handled by the department so we really haven't officially even started the adoption process. The new Case Worker with the county said that our adoptive homestudy that's on file with our licensing agency ought to be sufficient but that they usually ask a few more questions, do a "Presentation of the Child" to tell us what her long-term needs will be, and finalize the amount of our montly stipend. Turns out we will get a small monthly stipend even after adoption, which was news to us and is a comfort since adding a third child on one income is scary in these times.

OH! And the department is not recommending contact with the family including the birth mom, so I don't have to feel guilty if I never speak to her again or fret over the fact that we've decided not to go with an open adoption (more on that later).

Well my peeps, that's all the news I've got for now. We've really got to get crack-alackin' on planning Tomorrow's second birthday bash, because it's in eleven days, we're having it here, and our yard is an overgrowth of weeds not unlike the high plains when the pioneers first crossed them.

I hope YOUR Summer is wrapping smoothly, and flows into a lovely Autumn!

Letter from our Case Manager with Ariel Clinical Services

Friday, June 05, 2009

In regards to: Tomorrow ******

The Honorable Judge Woods

Denver Juvenile Court

1437 Bannock Street

Room 157

Denver, CO 80202





Dear Judge Woods,



I am writing this letter in regards to Tomorrow ******, who is living in the foster home of Mike and J**** F**. I am the Case Manager through the CPA and visit the home two times per month and have witnessed Tomorrow’s extraordinary growth over time. It is my understanding that your final judging will be on June 11 to determine if parental rights on Tomorrow will be terminated. I felt the need to write this letter because I feel strongly that Tomorrow should remain in the F** home on a permanent basis. Since being placed with Mike and J**** on October 12, 2007, Tomorrow has exceeded all expectations set out for her by doctors and therapists. Tomorrow has excelled in all of her developmental milestones, which I believe would not be the case if she were still with her biological parents. It is my understanding that no one has accepted responsibility for Tomorrow’s injuries occurred during the first five weeks of her life. It would be devastating to Tomorrow’s future developments to be returned to an environment that is the same as when she was removed. It seems unlikely that Tomorrow will be safe with her birth mother now since she has never accepted responsibility for Tomorrow’s injuries, nor made any attempt to discover what actually happened. How can Tomorrow be protected if her caregivers doubt that her injuries occurred and were as severe as reported by the treating doctors? Mike and J**** F** have provided Tomorrow with a stable, safe, and loving home that I believe is the reason for her astounding advances. They love her like their own child and Tomorrow is clearly bonded with them, which is evident by their interactions together. I would like to thank you in advance for taking the time to read my letter. Again, I can not say enough how strongly I feel that Tomorrow ****** should not be returned to her biological mother, but should remain with the only loving family she has ever known.



Respectfully,



Michelle P*****

Case Manager

Ariel Clinical Services

Santa Baby

Here is our little Santa Baby Grrl all dressed up for the Ariel Christmas party in what I call her "getting ready to go on a sleigh ride with Santa" outfit. She was the belle of the ball. Thing is, she's cute in a onesie. (To prove it, Ill be sure to take some photos of her in nothing but a onesie soon!)

Anyway, we had a fun time at this party and many other festivities this season, but mostly we enjoyed staying home, a warm fire in our hearth, and the presence of a baby girl in our home!

Been Busy Bonding!

Tomorrow's favorite new position is forward-facing (a.k.a. "kangaroo carry") in the Moby Wrap. Today she watched me shred spaghetti squash, peel and chop butternut squash, and prepare oatmeal craisin cookie dough and dough for dog biscuits. The only thing I don't like about this carry is not being able to see her cute little face so we go look in the mirror when I need a fix. ;>)

The Cutie Patootie bib was a hand-me-down from Miss Cass and is my FAVORITE! Tomorrow has a bunch of bibs but that is the only one that truly catches it all as it is almost like a dickie. If anyone knows where I can get these type of bibs please let me know.

But the best part: Hammy took these photos!

Yikes! I haven't posted for a while! I guess I get so immersed/involved in the moment/in the real world I forget there is an online world. I have just been busy living life and loving my kids!

Tomorrow is doing really well and being her foster mom is THE BEST JOB I HAVE EVER HAD. Ariel determined her to be a "Level Three" which has a $1,000 monthly stipend so I will not have to return to work at Home Instead. Which is good because I cannot imagine squeezing one.more.thing. into my day right now. Moose told me a few weeks ago what he likes best about Tomorrow being with us is that I don't have to go to work anymore and I can just stay home. "Mom, you don't have to work anymore!" he told me with glee. So how could I burst his little bubble by informing him that being a SAHM/WAHM (stay-at-home-mom/work-at-home-mom) is a 24/7 job with no insurance, comp time or vacation *and* that I am underpaid and overworked?!

Anyway, short post long, it seems that the more we attachment parent Tomorrow (we honestly don't know how to parent any other way), the more she expects her needs to be met instantly! ;>) She keeps us on our toes with her almost constant need for social attention right now. We know that the way she *yells* at us and expects to be held and talked with almost constantly is a testament to our parenting style. She is a smart baby who won't settle for being stuck in her bouncer seat or swing for very long. She will put up with one or the other for just about the amount of time it takes me to use the toilet! Sorry if that's TMI but it is the truth! The fact that I have all but abandoned this baby blog and the seemingly Herculean task of checking my email are both good signs, too. No news in this case is very good news. I could write a book about the frustrations I have with the "justice" system and Denver County Human Services (*not* Ariel), and I probably will someday-- but for now, just know that we're all well.

Oh! Except Mike will be out of town for a few days. So keep us in your prayers/thoughts. I'm nervous about being on my own with three kiddoes but I try to think of so many women who do it every day all year long under the worst of conditions and somehow that gives me strength.

All the Love to you all.

Tomorrow's Guardian Angel Light

I can't get enough of those sweet little cheeks!

The adorable outfit is a like-new, hand-me-down set from Miss Cassie!

Maybe growing weary of the Poppa-razzi?!

I would be remiss if I didn't blog about Tomorrow's Guardian Ad Litem (abbreviated as GAL), "Amie". She is a really cool (nose-pierced!), very friendly, smart AND bilingual attorney and mother of three daughters in Denver...and it gives me goosebumps when I think about such a great mom raising three girls in this world...I just know they will become smart, strong women!

Before I forget: Hammy calls the Guardian Ad Litem a "Guardian Angel Light".

Amie visited us last Saturday afternoon and we talked for almost an hour and a half. I felt so comfortable opening up to her and telling her *everything* about bringing Tomorrow home, all of her medical appointments and physical issues, the first family visit and my concerns about the bio/birth mom, Tomorrow's behavior when we first brought her home compared to now, and lots of other stuff that I hadn't really been able to tell one single person. Something which impressed me was that she wrote *everything* down {on a legal pad, of course} and I truly felt as if my voice was heard.

It is so complicated, being a foster mother. On one hand I am just supposed to be taking care of the baby until she can return to her family. But in the process, I am not only bonding with her and getting to know her on a deeply personal level~ perhaps even the deepest~ but I am also becoming an advocate for her. I have daydreams in which I go to court and stand up~ voice shaking and all~ and tell the judge exactly what I think about the fact that NO ONE IS IN JAIL FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS BABY. I would like to add {and I told Amie this and she smiled}: The birth mother can have her back OVER MY DEAD BODY. Even if the birth mom honestly didn't know about all of the fractures {an explanation that, to me, shows complete ignorance of her well-being and severe neglect} I now feel strongly that she does not deserve to get Tomorrow back. Ever. I apologize if you are a bio mom reading this and that stings, but it's how I feel and this is my blog. If you want to express your feelings, please start your own blog. It's sooo cathartic!

Anyway, the boys think Amie is a real angel. They were watching to see if she had wings. Moose told Amie he loves Tomorrow and really wants to keep her. It was such a good visit and gave me hope.

And speaking of angels: Codi, our case manager with Ariel Clinical Services, is coordinating a team meeting between the county caseworker, guardian, herself and I. It feels so right to be part of Tomorrow's team, and Mike will take a half day off from work* for the team meeting so I can be there sans kiddies and be able to participate in as professional a way as my heart will allow.

*Remind me to tell you about how Mike's boss discriminated against him as a foster parent with regard to leave and what Mike did to fight back as the most awesome first-time foster dad ever!

**The above photos were taken before the visit when Tomorrow and I were BOTH clean and smelling pretty AT THE SAME TIME!! A first since we brought her home, just a few showers ago, LOL.

Ariel

I keep meaning to post the link to the agency we are getting certified through, Ariel Clinical Services. It just so happens that they are the first one in the Foster Care section of the phone book, and it turns out they are a small agency with a nice family feel.

http://www.arielcpa.org/

Presto Change-o!

I called Leah with LFS Friday, and set up a home visit for this Friday evening, but after thinking it over this weekend I have changed my mind once again and decided I would rather go with Ariel Clinical Services.

I think they are a smaller agency, with a lot less overhead, and they just have a vibe that we like. The agency reminds me a lot of the small non-profit I worked for right out of college, Community Living, Inc.

Besides we already have all of our Ariel forms filled out- we just need to get our fingerprint cards done and find a doctor who can see the whole family in one visit. I am hoping we can get an appointment with a doctor at a family practice right down the street. I have agreed to arrange the doctor's appointment and Mike will make an appointment for getting our fingerprints.

Also, if I didn't already mention this: LFS is "absorbing another agency" which sounds cannibalistic but apparently happens a lot with CPA's and seems to cause chaos.

We asked our oldest son how would he like having an older sister, and he said, "I would like her if she combs her hair, listens, brushes her teeth and plays with me."

We'll see what we can do!