New Beginnings

So much to blog about, so little time...

Baby Grrl's biggest (foster) brother and the apple of my eye, whom I will call Le Yum this day, started a new (one day per week for homeschoolers) kindergarten today. He was excited until yesterday, when he told me he didn't want to go because he has already been to kindergarten and he knew everything already. So we talked about how he has to show that he is READY for first grade and then he can move on, and then he was good to go, especially when I reminded him they were homeschoolers, too. YAY!

We arrived early to the new site after taking DH to work, and we sat in the gym waiting for everyone to arrive. In assembly, after they said the pledge of allegiance, one of the facilitators asked if anyone had any announcements or anything to share. Yum raised his hand! (If I had been sitting beside him I would have pulled it down, LOL, but I was giving him his space since he is FIVE AND A HALF.) So then he said, in a very quiet little voice I have heard maybe twice from him, that he brought a book called C is for Centennial for Tell & Show, because his mom couldn't remember which letter was the one of the day! The facilitator then asked him to STAND UP and introduce himself (in front of a gym full of strange peers)! He then became one with the floor, so I introduced him. We were both wearing green and I was proud to announce my tall, lean and handsome young man with an Irish name on St. Patrick's Day; but alas, it was all too much for poor Yum. He c r a w l e d over to me and then somehow managed to attach himself to me like a leech, legs and arms wrapped around my body and face buried in my neck! I think he was close to tears, so I whispered to him that everyone was saying welcome and clapping, so he turned around and went to sit by one of his new classmates. Shortly after that I had to vacate with Shy Mouse (who was not being shy) and Princess Loudmouth, and I ended up getting into a great convo with another mom who has adopted two "children of color" so I missed it when the kids walked by us on the way to their classroom.

Several minutes later, one of the kindergarten teachers thanked me for letting Yum go off to class all by himself. (Hey, why didn't I think of that?!) It's all in how you spin it, so I simply said, "No problem!" and smiled. I peeked in and saw that while he was fidgeting and squirming already, Yum was actually sitting in the back row quietly and listening to story time (and the teacher was actually READING the story, not just playing a book on tape!) so I felt free to go. All of our paperwork was transferred from the site he attended last year, I had filled out a sheet of emergency contact information, and I had paid for his slice of pizza and juice (once a week won't kill him, right?) so it was clearly time for me to set off on a new adventure of parenting 1/3 less child one day a week. So far it feels like 2/3 more work-- as Yum is quite helpful with entertaining his younger sibs, and he's a natural leader who organizes activities for the entire family-- but it's all good (or it will be next week when Aunt Flo is not visiting, Baby Grrl doesn't have a cold, and it isn't 35 degrees outside). It will certainly be much easier to go to the Children's Museum with two chitlins instead of three, especially because Yum has pretty much outgrown it and would rather go to the Museum of Nature & Science.

Needless to say, I am counting the minutes until I can pick Yum up. I hope he will tell me he wants to go back. Sometimes I think I ought to send him to public school but in my heart of hearts I know the classroom is not the ideal learning environment for him. I often think about what he is learning on this family journey in foster care, and I know it is an invaluable education that cannot be taught but only lived. He has already learned that we are all the same inside, that skin color does not matter, and that love can help heal even the most severe of physical and emotional wounds. That's more than some of us will ever learn.

I will intervene!

We just found out some very disturbing and exciting news from another foster parent. The county case worker should have been telling us all along when the court hearings are so we can be there. Also, after NINETY days of having Baby Grrl in our custody {we have had her with us for FIVE MONTHS}, we have a right to "intervene" and make ourselves a "party" to the case. Plus, we may not even have to hire an attorney to fight for custody of her. This is all so thrilling and upsetting at the same time.

So, why hasn't the case worker been telling us what we have a right to know? Especially when I've been asking, and making it clear that we would be more than willing to adopt Baby Grrl if her parental rights were terminated? I suppose it could be due in part to the fact that this is our first time fostering and we don't know the drill, or the lingo or what to expect. But I have always felt that the County case worker was biased toward the bio mom, and has given her more than the benefit of a doubt, simply because she has called him often and said she wants her kids back. The GAL seems to think she is talking the talk but not walking the walk, and she is the one who told me she has a long, long way to go toward getting her kids back. I cling to that conversation like it's a life preserver. I've learned to take what others tell me could/will happen with a grain of salt, except for what the GAL says. After all, she's not only an attorney, but also the legal guardian of all the children. Nonetheless, she is careful not to make predictions.

There is a part of me that doesn't want to fight it if her bio mom wants her back, and knowing the people involved who may come to find her or us, but the part of me that doesn't want her to get hurt again is much stronger and is going to put up one heck of a fight. I feel the mama bear rising up in me, and I will not just stand by and let this little girl fall through the giant gaping cracks in the notoriously effed up Denver County DHS system. Remind me to blog about how many children died last year who were in kinship placements, thanks to case worker/DHS "oversights".

Maybe the court will decide to throw her back to the wolves and let her birth mom have another chance to protect her {and why hasn't she been charged with Failure to Protect since she is the one who brought her in to the ER with a "cold" anyway?}, but I think it would be unjust at best and tragic at worst.

What a difference a brain makes...

{Title inspired by What a Difference a Day Makes by Etta Fitzgerald: "Twenty four little hours...brought the sun and the flowers...where there used to be rain..."}

So, Mr. Superhunk {what I'm calling DH today} called this morning with some more, reassuring information on Permanency Planning, because as per usual he operates on Logic. It turns out that:

A) It is required by law after a child under six years of age has been in foster care for six months; B) There will be TWO concurrent plans, one of which could be permanent placement with us {cross all your fingers and toes and knock on everything wooden}; and C) 89% of children are placed within TWELVE months of being in foster care.

Thus, this is just the way the Department of Human Services system operates, and, of course, as usual, nothing personal against me as a foster mother.

Still, it's "wait and see" which I hate. Patience and Maintaining a Positive Attitude Throughout Uncertain Circumstances are not in my skill set.

And with that, Baby Grrl's awake now, so back to the floor!

Hopefully, growing pains.

I couldn't upload the video of Baby Grrl crawling from last week. DH has even tried to do it for me, and compressed the video to 10M so if Blogger can't handle that then fuhgedaboutit. Suffice to say, she's moving WAY faster now, and our house is not completely baby-proofed yet!

I literally spend my day mostly on the floor in various rooms of our house. She acts like she wants to be held and then arches her back and/or pinches me as if she wants to be put down, but if I put her down on the floor she just cries "mamamamamama" unless I get down on the floor and crawl or sit with her. Then, she will happily pull up on me, rock back and forth on all fours, try to eat my crocs, poke her pokey little fingers in the holes in my Crocs, squeal at the crocodile on my Crocs, and then cry like she wants on my lap, only to repeat the cycle. If the boys are in the room she will try to get their feet or shoes. The cycle is almost comedic for about thirty minutes, and then it just gets really annoying. But I just rinse & repeat.

Oh! and the other new fun thing is when I try to wear her in the mei tai or Moby Wrap she will either pinch my chest or if she's on my back, pull my hair/necklace or pick at the tattoo on the back of my neck. And before you say, why don't I wear her forward-facing in the MT/Wrap? Then she will just grab everything AND she hates it now, even though it used to be her favorite position.

We got a letter in the mail today, about the Permanency Planning hearing which is set for April 3. So the County Case Worker and GAL either acted like they didn't know it was coming up then or one of them started the ball rolling after the team meeting that was here at our house on March 3. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach when I read the letter. I don't know why I am being so pessimistic, but it certainly could be a coping/defensive mechanism. That is clearly the case with me wanting to give her up before she leaves us. When it comes to fight or flight, I usually take to the skies. Anyway, DH is going to take the day off if we are supposed to be there for the hearing. We are guessing that we can be there since we got a letter about it, but no one tells us anything. We're just the foster family who took in someone else's broken baby and helped put the fifty jagged pieces of her heart back together on two hours of sleep at a time for two months and then three hours at a time for three months. I definitely have a thing or twenty to say about the matter, but I don't know if I will have a chance to speak at all. Maybe I ought to keep my big mouth shut unless I am asked to talk. I don't even know. I've never done this before, and there isn't a map or a tour guide.

Obviously, I need to sleep on it.

"Keep moving forward...that's my motto."

Baby Grrl is officially crawling! My life is over.

I had five pix and two videos of her in action and I just accidentally deleted them {because I thought the file transfer was complete but there was actually an error during the transfer!!} so I will have to try again tomorrow. It will only be more exciting in a day, but there's nothing like those first manic moves!