Trials & Tribulations!

Friday was another very long day in court. I wish I wasn't such an Empath, so I could just sit and listen to the people testifying about all of the child abuse and neglect that took place in Mara's birth family without feeling everything as if it happened to me personally or my child(ren). Mike says I "absorb everything like an emotional sponge", but I am really trying not to and failing miserably! So I took a pocket pack of Kleenex with me this time, and I really needed it. The testimony Friday was mostly about A and M, Mara's nine- and five-year-old sisters but it is upsetting nonetheless. In fact, to hear the truth as told to a therapist by an eight year old, knowing how children at that age are so deeply committed to Doing The Right Thing and Telling The Truth, is excruciatingly heartbreaking.

Some of the "lowlights" from the trial (internet confidentiality, what's that?!):

• A reported being frequently whipped with a blet on the legs especially after getting out of the shower for some reason. On one occasion, her mom was on the couch watching TV when her stepdad whipped her with the belt and she didn't do nor say anything about it.
  
• A reported seeing her parents have sex in the living room and bedroom.
• A reported seeing her mother have sex with other men.
• A reported being touched on her private parts by her older sister S.
• A reported being told to kiss her cousin's penis and then suck on it.
  
• A reported S forcing her to spread her butt cheeks open.
• A reported being told to show her anus to her cousins.
• A reported being encouraged to engage in anal sex with male cousins.
• A reported that all of her sisters had been touched on their private parts by "Dad".
• A reported that "Mom" knew that "Dad" touched all of the girls.
• A reported that "Dad" hurt the baby's legs when changing her diaper.
  
• A reported that "Dad" pulled on the baby's leg and held her upside down.
• A reported that Dad did not like the baby "crying all the time".
• A reported that she was tuaght how to act like a "Mom" to M.
• M recently told the Case Worker that she is ready to get married and have sex because she has seen her mom do it and she wants to do it, too.
• M has climbed on top of A in their bedroom in the foster home and pretended "sex".
• A has told M to climb on top of her and M has also climbed on top of A on her own.
• A and M have been found wrestling in a sexy way by the foster mom.
• A reported that she does not have sexy thoughts but her body does sexy things.
• A said that she wants to go back with her mom but she is afraid because in her words, "I do not know what they would do to me." She has also said, "I would not be safe."

That's all I can stand right now. There is a limit to what my heart can bear with recounting the horrible things these girls have endured, and knowing that "Dad" probably did not draw the line at physical abuse of Baby Mara. So if I haven't called you it's because it is hard for me to just tell you in a nutshell what happened, and I'm still REELING that "Dad" is walking among us and probably partying this weekend. If I could videotape him you would see what EVIL looks like. He sat and glared at the Case Worker during his testimony, and he also preened his mustache and did weird things with his fingers as if he was casting a spell on the Case Worker (who gave an awesome testimony and stated very clearly several times that he does not think the "parents" have worked their plans and does not think they are better parents today and does not think the children would be safe in their care). The "psychological father" (PSYCHO DADDY!!) is seriously disturbed and now I know why we must go security and x-ray to enter the courthouse: BECAUSE IF I WAS NOT THE MOTHER OF THREE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN WHO HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO TEACH ME IN THIS LIFE, I WOULD SERIOUSLY CONSIDER TAKING A GUN INTO THE COURTROOM TO SHOOT THE FUCKING BASTARD IN THE HEART.

Thank you again sweet Jen for picking Mara up from Pam's and making sure she got a good nap at home in her princess daybed while we were in court. Letting her play for a bit and letting her decide she was tired and wanted a bottle was so intuitive and wise of you, and I think it's so funny yet poignant that she fell asleep on your shoulder before you could even walk her upstairs to her bedroom! Ensuring that she had a long peaceful nap (and some precious quiet time with her auntie!) may have seemed to some others like a little thing that could be cut short or put off entirely but it was so important for her mental health (and mine!) and I thank you for it. She didn't have any trouble at all when it was bedtime or with sleeping Friday night, unlike the last two times when she had been at another's sitters when she was nearly inconsolable and very clingy-- I know you were upset by how upset she was and knew how important it was to prevent that from happening again. Thank you also for the adorable dress I found hanging in her room! It fits and I decided instantly that is what she will wear that for her adoption announcement picture. Tell your guys thank you for letting us have you here on Friday. And a big thank you to Grandma Vicki for taking care of Wil Ber for the day, so he didn't have to endure the car ride to and from Centennial after recently traveling so much! Hopefully May 27th will be the last time we have to go to court, until the adoption when we will ALL go!





And if it seems like I'm up and down like a kite on a windy day, it's only because I am.