Today we had a visit from the Guardian Ad Litem (GAL). She has an assistant who has been doing home visits but I imagine she is required to visit herself from time to time.
She asked me the usual questions about how Tomorrow is doing and watched as I struggled to change her diaper and get her redressed and settled down for a bottle and a nap (the visit was right at nap time).
Then, she basically talked me out of having Tomorrow's sister in our home. She went over all of her negative behaviors: how she acts out sexually toward her foster brother and foster father, cusses people out, destroys property, fights violently with her sister, knocks over bookshelves, spits, throws things, you name it. She shared her concern that her outbursts would be very upsetting to our family. She said she is mostly concerned that Tomorrow would be negatively affected and that our boys would be as well. She also said the judge will most likely recommend that the other two girls are placed separately for adoption, which really breaks my heart while I do understand why.
Oh! She also explained why the judge did not go ahead with TPR on May 27th. Apparently he is extremely thorough and writes up a detailed account of his decision which he reads into the record. So that is why he keeps notes on his laptop and why he wanted time to make his decision. The GAL said she expects him to terminate parental rights for all three of the younger girls, and to expect that it will take some time while he explains his decisions with regard to each child in the case.
Then she went on and on about how well we are doing with Tomorrow and that felt really good. We don't get a lot of recognition-- not that any parents ever do really, but I mean as foster parents-- probably because we "only have the one foster child" and are seen by other foster parents as being inexperienced (even though we had two children before fostering), selfish and other such nonsense because we want to adopt.
All in all, it was a very reassuring visit. I feel somewhat relieved but also very sad that every professional who knows us and Tomorrow's sister does not think we should take her in. And not that she wouldn't do well in our home-- because it would be a definite upgrade for her-- but solely based on their opinions of what her presence could do to our family. We haven't even had a chance to have her over for a visit or respite. So while I want to believe the professionals who have worked with her and us, and there are definitely days when I feel like I am at the limit of my patience-- I still feel a tugging at my heart that means I haven't completely let go of the idea.
I think I may have let my strong desire to keep the two sisters together cloud my perspective and I couldn't see the forest for the two little saplings. It splinters my soul that a judge may recommend three sisters be separated, after all they have been through. But if it makes all three of the more adoptable, it can't be so bad. The GAL believes that the other two sisters would benefit from being only children due to their severe dysfunction with siblings, but it is still hard for me to accept as a sister myself. I keep trying to compare my family with theirs, but there is no comparison. Just like how I struggled with trying to understand how a mother could not know her baby was hurt, the bottom line was that the birth mom does not feel and think the way I do; and her daughters do not behave the way my sisters and I do. It is hard to imagine, but I believe in my heart that this particular set of people in DHS really do want what is best for these girls. According to the GAL, the judge is also looking ahead and realizing that it may be very difficult or even impossible to find a family who will adopt both of Tomorrow's sisters with their extreme behaviors and needs.
I wish we could be that family, but we have to put the three we already care for first...it's all I can imagine at this moment...just for today...for now.
So that's the latest. Bad news with good, as usual. Bittersweet as always.
Thank you in advance for not saying 'I told you so' even if you did.
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