My New MAMS

Haha! Not what you were thinking!

MAMS are the bottles we've been using for a couple of months now, ever since I read an article in Mothering magazine about a toxic chemical called Bisphenol A.

Bisphenol A is a synthetic sex hormone that mimics estrogen which has been shown to be able to interfere with babies healthy growth and development.

A recent report, “Baby’s Toxic Bottle: Bisphenol A Leaching from Popular Brands of Baby Bottles,” found that baby bottles leach the toxic chemical BPA when heated. These findings are of great concern as baby bottles are often heated, very warm liquids are often poured into bottles, and bottles are frequently washed in hot water.

Credible laboratory studies demonstrate that BPA causes damage to reproductive, neurological, and immune systems during critical stages of development, such as infancy and in the womb. Levels sufficient to cause harm in animals are less than the average levels reported in people living throughout the developed world. Many scientists now suggest similar damage may be occurring in the human population. We’re concerned that the amount leaching from heated bottles is within the range shown to cause harm in animal studies and is therefore a health concern for infants.

So, after reading the panic-inducing Mothering article, DH googled BPA-free bottles and found bornfree (TM) glass bottles (pricey and unavailable then) and Sassy Baby's MAM (TM) bottles. We opted for the MAMS because they were available, cheaper, not glass and were for sale on Amazon.com where we have some sort of Platinum, free shipping plan enticement.

I like the MAMS but they do leak (kinda like the real ones, heh?) if you don't get the lid screwed on *just so*. Also, the bottom comes off, so that is two places to leak, which is not fun in the middle of the night! DH thinks that makes them easier to clean, and they do fit in our AVENT bottle sanitizer (although it just occurred ot me that it could also contain BPA, so I suppose until I know for sure I ought to stop using it and just wash the bottles by hand in very hot water like in the olden days).

I do plan to buy some of the bornfree glass bottles when I get paid again. I have to admit that at first glass bottles sounded really archaic to me. They sound heavy and dangerous, but I have read that they do not break when dropped (in most cases). Anyway, when I wanted to buy them three months ago, they were sold out, and now they are at TARGET! (http://tinyurl.com/3tdrrd) But "items arrive in 2-6 weeks" so the company must still be trying to ramp up heir production to meet what I can only imagine is an overwhelming consumer demand for what used to be a very small market.

As I wrote in the MomsRising petition**, "I AM FURIOUS that corporations have known BPA was a danger but did not care to do a thing about it until consumers were informed. And once you are on my $hitlist, you don't get off of it!"

Avent, Disney/First Years, Dr. Brown’s, Evenflo, Gerber, and Playtex are the evil villians in this case.

Is it any wonder that we are seeing an explosion in autism, with all of the toxins that our children are ingesting (even in breastmilk)? What is a mother to do? If you feel as sick as I did when you find out about the BPA that is in many baby items, please try to remember that we do the best we can with the information we have.
Still, it'd be safest to replace any toxic bottles you have with some BPA-free ones, just in case it is as God-awful as they are saying it is. We bought our MAMS online at Amazon.com and they were only $11.99 for a 3-pack (we bought three 3-packs). DH ordered the "girl" colored bottles so they're yellow with green lids/nipples and purple with pink lids/nipples, but I like to mix them all up (E.g. I mix the yellow bottle with the pink bottom and the green lid) cuz I'm crazy like that and so they are like very brightly-colored, psychedelic Easter eggs.



Okay, that's all for now-- Baby Grrl actually needs a "baba".

* Excerpted from Moms Rising: http://www.momsrising.org/

**Sign a petition to stop toxic baby bottles at:
http://salsa.democracyinaction.org/o/1768/petition.jsp?petition_KEY=1177

(I have no idea why html isn't working for my links and I have about had it with eblogger but please bear with me as I really do not feel like moving my blog right now, on the verge of DD walking with a garden to put in! Next Winter I promise I will find a new home for what is bound to get more interesting in the coming year...)

Administrative Review

I apologize for not blogging more often. I have needed to turn within since the Permanency Planning hearing, and have been doing some deep soul work. I've also been busy with Baby Grrl climbing stairs, getting into everything and outgrowing her clothes!

Plus, we provided respite for another foster family who had to go to a funeral out of state, and we had two more girls staying with us for four days! I did not feel that I could meet every one's needs when DH was at work, but we just played outside and I let everyone get really dirty! I definitely would not want that many kiddoes long-term. I think three may even be limit. I do not always deal with excessive noise and stress very well, and that is all that parenthood is all about. Child spacing is key!

So last Friday we had our Administrative Review with Denver Human Services' "Performance Improvement and Accountability" department. I could not attend the review in person as I did not have child care for our sons, so I attended by teleconference using a headset, while supervising DS2 on the laptop, DS1 on penmanship, and putting Baby Grrl down for her nap (yes, I am Supermom, LOL!)

The people present for the review were the Case Worker (CW), the Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) and the Reviewer. No one else had arrived for the review at the start of our appointment, so it was just me and the above people, which was a huge relief. Nonetheless, I had decided ahead of time to treat this as any performance review, and strive to be positive and professional. Sure, deep inside I wanted to scream "YOU CANNOT TAKE THIS BABY AWAY FROM US! THERE IS NO WAY HER BIOLOGICAL MOTHER CAN HANDLE SIX CHILDREN ON HER OWN!" But if it were a performance review for a "real" job, and I was meeting with the regional manager who supervised my supervisors whom I had never met before, I would not tell him all about how my co-workers annoy me and make me want to quit my job some days. Thus, I remained calm, and think I did well.

The Reviewer's questions centered around Baby Grrl's injuries, medical care, well-being and court-ordered family visitation. I, of course, raved about the care we have received at the local Children's Hospital, and I tooted my horn with regard to the daily massage and physical therapy I have provided (which I am sure has contributed to Bay Grrl's amazing recovery and obnoxious physical abilities). I also shared how she has met every developmental milestone, many quite early, and how my main concern at this time is her attachment to our family. Normally, the concern is that kids are NOT attached. The Reviewer commented that it made sense that she would think of us as her family, since she has been with us since she was only five weeks old. He added that attachment is crucial to development and commended us for encouraging bonding even if she may end up being reunified with her biological mother. The CW and GAL both said very nice things about our family and the care we have provided Baby Grrl, and I felt very proud and got a little choked up (that is when it is good to be on a teleconference).

When asked about the weekly visits, I was forthcoming about the growing difficulty in transferring Baby Grrl to her bio mom. She is panicky and tearful at the start of visits, always sticking out her bottom lip and looking at us as if to say, What are you doing to me? We have resorted to using the stroller as a way to make the transition less painful for her. When we hand her to mom, she will stare at her and then lean back and turn towards us and lean over to try to get back in our arms (if you've been around attached babies, you've seen The Dive). It is hard enough to let her go to visits not knowing if she is going to be safe, and it is even harder with that sort of reaction. And no matter how hard I try to play the role of All Things To All People/Happy Clown, it ends up being awkward at best. I try to make polite conversation with her bio mom and the Case Aide (CA) for about five minutes (two if DH is dropping her off for the visit, LOL, and we take turns) and fill them in on what she is doing involving her as much as possible so that she feels more at ease, but when she keeps fussing and trying to get me to take her back, I usually end up saying, "Okay, have a good visit and call me if she needs me."

Anyway, back to The Review. I made sure that I did not say anything negative about Bio Mom, although in retrospect I also forgot to say anything positive about the CA, CW, or GAL. Maybe there is a reason why I didn't feel moved to rave about them. My mom always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". I haven't always lived by that dictum, but I am learning that it comes in handy with DHS. I think they are so busy doing damage control right now that they don't really have time to deal with cases like ours in which the child is thriving. Foster care is going well? Check. Child is attached to foster family? That will be difficult.

The Reviewer did ask if there was a concurrent plan for adoption for DD, and the GAL said, "No, not officially, although we know that is always an option." I felt as if I had been handed a lottery ticket and told, "This could be a winning ticket, so hold on to it." The Reviewer told me he would like to see a concurrent plan for adoption and that I could talk more with the CW "or through this process" about that. I will call The Original Reviewer when I have my wits about me, as she was out that day.


If there is one thing that is certain in foster care, it is uncertainty. You learn to live with it. I don't know for sure that I am cut out for this type of work --and my hat is off to those of you who do it and have done it for years-- but I think there is also something to be gained in families exploring in advance whether or not they are cut out for this type of work. I feel that licensing agencies could do more to help people decide if they will be able to handle the stressfulness of bonding with a baby/child only to have them returned to their family of origin whether it is the best situation for them or not. I know the agencies are desperate for foster families, but if they invest time in a family that will only end up fostering once, it may not have been the best use of their time and training.

That said, you may not know if you can do this job until you try it. At least as a foster parent, you can give your thirty days notice and have a child placed in another home if you are overwhelmed or your situation changes. You can't do that with bio children, and I am sure that all of us who have bios have wished we could if only for one very frustrating moment!

The ray of hope for adoption could become obscured by clouds but I did enjoy letting it shine on us for a week (until the next professional came along with her opinion). Our case manager told me yesterday that they usually don't do concurrent plans because it can cause animosity between the biological and foster parents (?!) I could have sworn it was a law, but I must not be fluent in legalese. I honestly think for the most part that "They" prefer to keep foster parents in the dark and feed them BS, and I get tired of being treated like a mushroom, but again, I am getting used to it.

It's really hard to keep from getting your hopes up when that is how you usually roll. I also really, really wish I could get my hopes up and keep them up for baby Grrl's mom and that whole family, but from where I sit the outlook is pretty bleak.

Thank you for being a witness to my struggle. That is all I can ask for now, to make sense of what feels like an injustice to us and to come out on the other side somehow enlightened and not embittered by this experience. I will keep on being the change I want to see in this world, and hope for the best.

Happy Days

Which are most of the days. I just come here to vent. It is purely cathartic for me. And I have to get it all out because I know all too well that depression = anger turned inward.

This is daily...

Smooshie took this one.

She is sucking on my chin!

Falling asleep on the nipple. They all do it.

Smiling in her sleep. It's hard to put that cuteness in the crib!

Asleep on Mount Momma.

Permanency Planning

The first hearing was today, and the judge ruled that the plan at this time is for all of the children to be returned to their mother, and no one objected including me. The father's visits were suspended due to allegations of sexual abuse from the four and seven year olds who are now in therapy, and it was ordered that therapeutic visits could take place at the discretion of the therapist, supervised by a therapist.

I just keep telling myself: I am raising someone else's baby.

That doesn't make it any easier, just more realistic.