Perpetual Schadenfreude

We had a visit from our Case Manager with Ariel Clinical Services today. Her name is Jodi by the way, and we have a great rapport with her. She's funny, young, and gorgeous and Liam has his first crush on her! The boys both work extra hard on elaborate coloring book pages for her when they know she is coming over. Even the dog goes nutso when he sees her. Our visits are more like play dates or tea time, and she usually visits us on Fridays because she says it's a nice break from the usual home visits after a long week of stress. She has even brought her dog Jack over to meet Feenix! And she has also offered to babysit Mara so we can go out sometime, because she understands why we are very reluctant to leave her with just anyone.

So anyway, while Jodi was here today, she called the County Case Worker (Ken) to set up a staffing meeting which will again be held in our home on June 24th (note to self: clean chair legs). Then she filled me in on what is going on with the case with regard to the recent allegations and the second questioning of the two sisters...

#1: At the next Permanency Planning hearing on June 26th, Denver County will be putting in place a formal plan of concurrent adoption for Mara! This means that if and when her parental rights are terminated, there will already be a plan in place for adoption (which I'm guessing we will be working on in the meantime). Even though we thought it was the law that there be two plans in place for all foster children-- one for reunification and one for adoption-- apparently it is rarely the case in Denver County. Ken said they usually wait until TPR is imminent and then start working up the adoption plan. As usual, this is "no guarantee" that we will be able to adopt Mara, but it is definitely another step in that direction. It will ultimately be up to the judge. However, at this time...

#2: Denver County and the GAL (Guardian Ad Litem..."Guardian Angel Light") will be recommending TPR, and...

#3: Denver County will also recommend that Mara not be adopted or placed in foster care with her four and seven year old sisters. Allegedly, they are both exhibiting a lot of really disturbing and violent behavior. Which could be signs of how damaged they are, and how extensive was their own abuse-- though they have thus far denied being abused-- but also could be signs of Reactive Attachment Disorder, or RAD, since this is their third foster home. Either way, Denver County will argue that Mara be allowed to maintain visits with them but not live with her sisters at this time.

As always, good news for us means bad news for Mara's bio mom and perhaps even her sisters. It's impossible for me to feel truly happy about anything with regard to Mara's custody situation-- even when it is what I think is in her best interest-- when I know it involves a mother possibly losing her (hopefully last) baby girl.

She claims she didn't know she was being hurt. She says it happened when she was at work. She is at every visit, and she is never late. She often comes with clothes, shoes, a snack or a stuffed animal for Mara. She buys clothes in the next size up because she knows that she will outgrow today's adorable outfit before I have purchased tomorrow's. She practically runs to the van to get Mara when we pull up to the building. And I can see the pain in her eyes whenever Mara doesn't want to go to her at the start of a visit or jumps into my arms at the end of a visit.

My success at adopting a daughter is her failure as a mother.

So how can I ever rejoice?

per·pet·u·al /pərˈpɛtʃuəl/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[per-pech-oo-uhl] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective
1. continuing or enduring forever; everlasting.
2. lasting an indefinitely long time: perpetual snow.
3. continuing or continued without intermission or interruption; ceaseless: a perpetual stream of visitors all day.
4. blooming almost continuously throughout the season or the year.
–noun
5. a hybrid rose that is perpetual.
6. a perennial plant.
[Origin: 1300–50; late ME perpetuall < L perpetuālis permanent, equiv. to perpetu(us) uninterrupted (per- per- + pet-, base of petere to seek, reach for + -uus deverbal adj. suffix) + -ālis -al1; r. ME perpetuel < MF < L as above]

—Related forms
per·pet·u·al·i·ty, per·pet·u·al·ness, noun
per·pet·u·al·ly, adverb

—Synonyms 1. permanent, enduring. See eternal. 3. continuous, incessant, constant, unending, uninterrupted.
—Antonyms 1. temporary. 3. discontinuous.
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

scha·den·freu·de /ˈʃɑdnˌfrɔɪdə/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[shahd-n-froi-duh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.
[Origin: 1890–95; < G, equiv. to Schaden harm + Freude joy]
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.