Well-baby visit!

Last Thursday was Tomorrow's two month well-baby visit at the Child Health Clinic at Children's Hospital of Aurora. She weighed in at 10 lbs. & 6 oz. {still 2 oz. less than Moose was at birth!} and 22 and 1/4" long. I forget her head circumference but she is right on track for her size!

The resident who we usually see had been called in the night before so our doctor was an attending/director who had done foster care in southern California before becoming an MD. She was so kind and helpful, fetching a couple of those great hospital receiving blankets {we had one that we were forever washing!} and showing me how to combine swaddling with the colic hold, which she called "side swaddling". She said it really helps with inconsolable babies {and it HAS helped during Tomorrow's fits}.

After waxing formulaic for a bit, she said that she thinks Tomorrow could have a fairly severe cow's milk/soy allergy, and wrote an order for Nutramagen {sp?} which I can get from WIC as it is $30 a can. We'll see if it helps. I have made several formula jokes {E.g. The Similac Sensitive can reads "For Fussiness and Gas" and it's truth in advertising: if you want your baby to have fussiness and gas, feed her Similac Sensitive!} but it really isn't funny.

That's all for now, Miss Chatty wants my attention!

Many Faces of Tomorrow

Nana is coming!

We are picking Nana up from the airport today! And by we I mean Hammy, Moose and I. Tomorrow does not like riding in her carseat yet so Mike is going to stay home with her because 1) Nana is my mom and 2) he can! I have to say, that is one advantage to bottle-feeding: dad can feed the baby just as easily. {Just make sure it's breastmilk in the bottle, kids!}

I almost forgot that I took a photo of the adorable gift set my mom sent me for Tomorrow, and of her wearing the cute little slippers! It was the first gift I received that was something new and just for Tomorrow, and it came in the mail the day my in-laws were coming to visit so it was like a hug from home! The very girly set includes a hat, onesie, slippers, bib, and toy in pink butterflies and flowers print, packaged in a pretty little basket. The bib says, "Thank Heaven for Baby Girls". Tomorrow loves the wrist toy but prefers to chew on the slippers just like a little puppy.

The Moby Wrap to the rescue!

LOOK MA, NO HANDS!!

It's not that I don't love my black sugar skulls mei tai by eBayer Amy May {shameless plug! it's my blog!}, because I do. I really, really do. I intend to send her an email and tell her how much I use her mei tai and love the loop she sewed into it that holds a teether. Plus, Amy is extra sweet. We exchanged several friendly emails after I purchased one of her very inexpensive mei tais, and she even offered to teach me how to make my own!

Nonetheless, for longer, sunny walks like the ones we took last Saturday {to get Thai takeout to celebrate Mara's two month birthday and then to the clubhouse so the boys could ride scooters}, the Moby Wrap is just super-duper comfortable and will be more warm on chilly days. It's like wearing a really comfy t-shirt and shawl, and with the added bonus of a baby nestled inside of it!

I got a barely used Moby Wrap on eBay, and I'm looking forward to wearing Tomorrow in all of the positions that it will allow. It's really nothing more than a beautifully dyed piece of lightly tapered cotton cloth with overlocked edges and a label to let you now what is the middle of the top of the fabric, yet it is amazing how much a simple thing can make a major difference in the quality of life for mama/baby.

I am a well-seasoned babywearer of over five years now who has used the NoJo babysling, an Over the Shoulder Baby Holder (OTSB), Maya Wrap (w/ shoulder cap flap), Maya Pouch, Karma Baby, Tough Traveler, Baby Bjorn, Infantino, Snugli, ERGO, Freehand Baby Mei Tai (MT) and Eden MT. The Moby Wrap is by far the least complicated, softest, most comfortable, versatile and washable baby carrier I've ever tried. And I'm not selling these (yet?), I just love mine!

http://mobywrap.com/

Tomorrow's Guardian Angel Light

I can't get enough of those sweet little cheeks!

The adorable outfit is a like-new, hand-me-down set from Miss Cassie!

Maybe growing weary of the Poppa-razzi?!

I would be remiss if I didn't blog about Tomorrow's Guardian Ad Litem (abbreviated as GAL), "Amie". She is a really cool (nose-pierced!), very friendly, smart AND bilingual attorney and mother of three daughters in Denver...and it gives me goosebumps when I think about such a great mom raising three girls in this world...I just know they will become smart, strong women!

Before I forget: Hammy calls the Guardian Ad Litem a "Guardian Angel Light".

Amie visited us last Saturday afternoon and we talked for almost an hour and a half. I felt so comfortable opening up to her and telling her *everything* about bringing Tomorrow home, all of her medical appointments and physical issues, the first family visit and my concerns about the bio/birth mom, Tomorrow's behavior when we first brought her home compared to now, and lots of other stuff that I hadn't really been able to tell one single person. Something which impressed me was that she wrote *everything* down {on a legal pad, of course} and I truly felt as if my voice was heard.

It is so complicated, being a foster mother. On one hand I am just supposed to be taking care of the baby until she can return to her family. But in the process, I am not only bonding with her and getting to know her on a deeply personal level~ perhaps even the deepest~ but I am also becoming an advocate for her. I have daydreams in which I go to court and stand up~ voice shaking and all~ and tell the judge exactly what I think about the fact that NO ONE IS IN JAIL FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS BABY. I would like to add {and I told Amie this and she smiled}: The birth mother can have her back OVER MY DEAD BODY. Even if the birth mom honestly didn't know about all of the fractures {an explanation that, to me, shows complete ignorance of her well-being and severe neglect} I now feel strongly that she does not deserve to get Tomorrow back. Ever. I apologize if you are a bio mom reading this and that stings, but it's how I feel and this is my blog. If you want to express your feelings, please start your own blog. It's sooo cathartic!

Anyway, the boys think Amie is a real angel. They were watching to see if she had wings. Moose told Amie he loves Tomorrow and really wants to keep her. It was such a good visit and gave me hope.

And speaking of angels: Codi, our case manager with Ariel Clinical Services, is coordinating a team meeting between the county caseworker, guardian, herself and I. It feels so right to be part of Tomorrow's team, and Mike will take a half day off from work* for the team meeting so I can be there sans kiddies and be able to participate in as professional a way as my heart will allow.

*Remind me to tell you about how Mike's boss discriminated against him as a foster parent with regard to leave and what Mike did to fight back as the most awesome first-time foster dad ever!

**The above photos were taken before the visit when Tomorrow and I were BOTH clean and smelling pretty AT THE SAME TIME!! A first since we brought her home, just a few showers ago, LOL.

"Put the power of the universe here"

Tonight was the second family visit. It was an evening visit, from 5 to 6:30 p.m. and at a different center in a not-so-great part of town but apparently the family has to walk and it is close to Tomorrow's bio mom's apartment. Mike took Tomorrow this time since he could and I wasn't really feeling up to it. Mom brought a four pack of bibs, a pack of size 2 diapers, a really soft pair of pink socks and a small can of Similac Sensitive formula. Mike said the birth mom asked how Tomorrow was doing in the cast right from the start which is a good sign. She was glad to hear she was out of the cast and harness. The first person to hold her was the twelve year old sister who Mike said also cried when the visit was coming to an end. My heart breaks for the family, especially the sisters. I can't imagine one of my little sisters being taken when she was just a newborn baby, and only getting to see her once a week after not getting to see her at all for a few weeks.

And once again I feel the need to protect *my* heart and yet I don't know exactly how to do it. I cannot help but fall in love with this little baby, who I carry around with me most of the day and sleep with half the night (not that I don't try to get her to sleep in her crib-- believe me, I do!!)

Speaking of which...I am supposed to be going upstairs to take a nap...but I feel like I have something I need to get off my chest...I can't quite put into words yet how bittersweet this experience is. Today, I feel like I am acting like someone I am not. The family visits are wake-up calls that bring home the reality that this sweet little baby, who feels like she is ours, belongs to someone else. Even though I am the one getting up with her all night, holding her as she cries and heals from horrendous abuse, and hearing her first babbling, coos and giggles. It's days like today when I wish I had given this opportunity more consideration. But that's just my brain talking. My heart would compose an entirely different post with an adorable pic of Tomorrow.

In summary, I told Mike when he got home with Tomorrow that I will never again foster a newborn baby or very young child who is not legal risk. He said, "Honey, I know you and you wouldn't be able to say no if they called you with another baby" and I went off on him! I VOW to myself and to my kids that I will never put us through this again. Mike and the boys are falling in love with Tomorrow, too, and I imagine we will all be devastated if she is reunited with her family of origin.

Please continue to keep us in your hearts/meditation/prayers/reiki/thoughts/vibes.

Thanks for listening.

LOVE COMES FIRST

This is a photo of me doing "kangaroo care" or skin to skin (s2s) therapy with Tomorrow. I try to spend at least two hours of s2s time with her each day, for bonding and also for her well-being. They make clothing especially for kangaroo care but I have a few stretchy t-shirts with v-necks like the one pictured here that work very well. Yep, she is *inside* of my t-shirt! And she is in nothing but a diaper. My shirt says "LOVE COMES FIRST".

Tomorrow's Nursery

Used changing table: $15
New Jenny Lind crib from BIG LOTS: $80
Mattress from Target: $70
Fisher Price Nature's Touch cradle swing: $140
Watching your guest room transform into a nursery: Priceless

Two Little Feet

"I got two little feet to get me across the mountain

Two little feet to carry me away into the woods
Two little feet
Big mountain"

~ Greg Brown

Meow!

Tomorrow was a kitty cat for Halloween. She passed out candy for about an hour 'til she passed out. She had some visitors~ our kid-sitter and her little brother, mom and a friend~ and I also took her next door for a quick minute while she was in her costume so that our neighbors could see her because they haven't seen her since the day we brought her home from the hospital! They said she looks great and much happier. She smiled and flirted as usual. The kitty cat costume was really appropriate since she sounds like a kitten most of the time! She is such a cute kitty!